Total pages in book: 107
Estimated words: 104288 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 521(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 348(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104288 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 521(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 348(@300wpm)
I turn around to do just that, but Tuck grabs me, wrapping a hand around my arm. “Maren, wait.”
How sick is this? I’m so eager for his touch, for any sign of interest from him, that I nearly swoon from the contact.
“You don’t need to walk out like this,” he continues.
I somehow manage to stand my ground, yanking my arm out of his grasp. “You know what’s crazy? When you suddenly did a one-eighty and decided you wanted this baby and you wanted me, I thought to myself that it was all happening so quickly. Too quickly. I worried you were telling me what I wanted to hear. I thought you might not be ready. But then you were so wonderful, up until—” My voice catches. “My point is, I was right. It did happen too quickly. You clearly aren’t ready to let us in, because you’re changing your mind again out of the blue. The feelings we shared suddenly aren’t there anymore, and that’s not fucking fair, Tuck.”
The look on his face is one of absolute misery. His eyes are red. There are deep furrows in his forehead.
Tell me to stay, I silently beg him. All you have to do is ask.
“You’re right,” he says hoarsely. “It’s not fair. I’m so sorry, Maren.”
The baby kicks. I put a hand on my stomach and scoff. “You’re really gonna let me go.”
He swallows. Doesn’t say a word.
So I walk out.
I throw shit in a bag and walk to the ferry alone in the dark.
twenty-eight
. . .
Tuck
Death Wish
Squinting against the bright afternoon sun, Riley nods at the heaving slate-blue waves before he looks dubiously at me. “You really wanna surf in this?”
“Yes.”
“Dude, it’s fucking freezing.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And the wind,” Abel adds. “That’s just gonna make the cold worse.”
“Fine. I’ll go by myself.” Tucking my board underneath my arm, I head toward the water.
“Aw, Tuck,” Riley calls after me. “Wait up. You ain’t goin’ out there alone.”
“I think he’s got a death wish,” I hear Abel say.
“Tuck.” Riley jogs to meet me. “Is something going on? You been acting weird ever since—”
“It’s been weeks,” Abel says.
I glare at him over my shoulder. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Your sister does. She says you’ve been off ever since Maren went to the hospital.”
My chest seizes. I ignore it. “How many times I gotta tell you to leave my sister alone, Abel?”
“We’re friends. We talk. She says she’s worried about you.”
We hit the water. It covers my bare feet and ankles in a freezing rush that’s so cold it actually burns.
Good. Maybe if it hurts enough, it’ll distract me from the seasick sense of regret that fills every inch of my being.
Exactly my plan when I texted Riley and Abel earlier this morning. Katie had a play date at a friend’s, so I ended up in my house alone on a Saturday. I couldn’t stand the silence. It vibrated with the memory of what—who—was missing.
I tried working out, but being in the gym just made me think of that night Maren and I danced together to Snoop Dogg. I tried answering emails, but my inbox was filled with images and invoices from Riley’s diamond guy.
I even tried to watch TV. But when I sat down, I noticed one of Maren’s pom-poms on the floor beside the sofa. Call me crazy, but I could even smell her shampoo on the pillows.
She is fucking everywhere. A constant reminder of how bad I fucked up.
How bad I wanna make things right, but can’t.
I’m too damn scared.
So like the coward I am, I ran to the beach. Asked my friends to come in the hopes they’d keep my mind off shit. I also hope they keep me from drowning, because the water is rough.
“Wanna talk about it?” Riley asks over the rising roar of the ocean.
“No.”
I haven’t been able to eat since Maren walked out on me last night, so I’m a little shaky as I wade into the water. I’m wearing my thickest wetsuit, but I still shiver when I toss my board onto the ocean’s foamy surface and hop on, belly down.
I start to paddle, Abel on my left, Riley on my right. My shoulders are on fire ten yards out. The water is relentlessly rough. The wind whips the spray off the white caps and throws it in my face. My eyes sting. My throat aches.
We sit up on our boards twenty or so yards from the beach. Wait. The cold water, combined with the colder air, sends a numb throb through me.
“Is Maren not okay? The baby?” Abel asks gently.
“Maren and the baby are fine. For now.”
Riley spears a hand through his wet hair. “For now. I feel like that’s an important detail.”
The ache in my throat becomes acute. “That time in the hospital, it took a lot outta me.”