Total pages in book: 77
Estimated words: 78142 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 391(@200wpm)___ 313(@250wpm)___ 260(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78142 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 391(@200wpm)___ 313(@250wpm)___ 260(@300wpm)
I won’t fall in love with her.
I don’t fall in love. I’ve never been in love.
Hell, I don’t even know what love is.
I used to love my parents. Used to love Griffin.
But then my parents abandoned me.
And Griffin disappeared.
Bad things happen to the people I love. Or they do bad things to me.
I’ve talked a lot to the therapist about that. I’ve always known I can’t blame Griffin. She was only five years old.
I wish she had told my parents that I wasn’t the one who hurt her.
I wish a lot of things.
Because whoever hurt her that time came back.
They came back and they took her.
But I was gone by then, so I couldn’t protect her.
Forced into the system by my own parents who thought I was a threat to their little girl.
They never knew what I really felt about Griffin. Like she was a little angel—light to my darkness.
I never would’ve hurt her.
In fact, I—
No. I shake my head, letting the water drizzle over me. No more thinking about that shit right now. I turn up the temperature on the water, get a rush from the scalding heat.
That’s how I like my showers—scalding. That’s another thing I’ve talked to my therapist about. My need to constantly cleanse the bad stuff from me.
The problem is? It can’t be done. Hot showers feel good. But afterward, nothing really changes.
I clean my body, shampoo my long hair, and rinse off.
As I expected, Diana doesn’t join me, and also as I expected, when I leave the bathroom…
She’s gone.
We don’t have to talk about what happened between us. Just as well, because I have no more desire to do that than I’m sure she does.
What can I say? I told her what would happen. I told her I’d give her a good hard fuck, that I’d take her to hell.
She let me do it.
I gave her several outs. She didn’t take any of them.
What’s done is done, and I can’t bring myself to regret it.
How can I regret something that was one of the most spectacular experiences of my life?
I’m a guy. Consequently I love fucking.
But what Diana and I shared went so far beyond that. I won’t use some stupid euphemism like making love. I can only say that she took me to a place I’ve never been.
And it wasn’t hell.
It was a place I’d like to revisit.
But a place I’ll probably have to let live in my memory.
I get dressed quickly in jeans and a black button-down shirt. The sun is shining, of course, as it usually does in Colorado. I have no idea where I’m going, but I need to get something to eat.
What the hell? I bought groceries yesterday. I should eat here because the money’s already been spent.
My stuff is still packed. If Diana wants me to leave, I will. But not before I sample some of the groceries I paid for.
I walk out, looking to the right and then to the left. The door to Diana’s bedroom is closed, so I assume she’s in there. I don’t hear the shower running, but why would I? She has a huge en suite bathroom, and I probably can’t hear anything from here. I head into the kitchen and open the refrigerator. I take out the loaf of bread I bought plus a package of Black Forest ham and Colby-Jack cheese.
I bring all my ingredients over to the counter, search through the drawers until I find a plate, and assemble my sandwich. I grab a glass, get some water from the refrigerator door, and sit down on one of the barstools in front of the granite island.
I look over my shoulder toward Diana’s room.
The door is still closed.
My guess is she won’t come out until I’m gone. Or at least back in my room.
Is she embarrassed? Sorry that we did what we did?
I’m neither.
But I admit I’m not sure what I need to say to her.
I take a bite of my sandwich. It’s palatable, but I’d rather be at the diner.
I like hot food.
All those years in the group home, the hot food was lukewarm if even that. It was about the same at the rehab facility.
I finish my sandwich quickly, and then I leave.
But I’ll be back.
I didn’t bring the bags that I packed. They’re still safely in my room.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Diana
“But you said the two of you weren’t together,” Teddy says through my phone after I spill my guts about what happened with Dragon this morning.
“We’re not.” I swallow. “I’m not exactly sure how it happened, but now he’s here, and I don’t know what to do.”
“Fuck his brains out again?” Teddy chuckles.
I scoff. “God, I can’t do that.”
“Why not, Diana? You’re starting work at that new job first thing in the morning. When the hell else are you going to have a chance to take care of yourself? Of your needs?”