Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 104766 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 524(@200wpm)___ 419(@250wpm)___ 349(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104766 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 524(@200wpm)___ 419(@250wpm)___ 349(@300wpm)
I can’t imagine doing it alone and I can’t imagine not being here, with him in this bed.
We don’t say much of anything.
Just hold each other, the same way we were holding each other in the shower, my head resting against his chest and his lips pressed against my hair.
Big teddy bear.
This time, I can feel the rhythm of his heart.
Move a hand between our bodies and press it against his flesh, over his chest, so I can feel it.
DEAR DIARY…
It’s been ages since I’ve written in here—I’m home for the weekend and thought it would be a lark to crack this open and read everything back what I’ve written over the past years. Wow, I was a dedicated little thing when I was young, there are barely any pages left for me to write in. Diary if there’s one piece of advice I’d give my younger self, it’s: if you have a mad crush on a guy who doesn’t notice you’re alive, you should say yes to a date with the guy that does. WHAT WAS I DOING ALL THESE YEARS CRUSHING ON DREW COLTER?? Wasting time, that’s what.
Seriously Tess. The guy doesn’t know you’re alive. Doesn’t look at you, doesn’t speak to you, never comes home because he can’t—and even if he did, he would never ask you on a date. I could be standing naked in his room and he would brush past me out of respect for my brother.
And here I am again, talking about him STILL. Like a total fool, always wishing and hoping I was going to see him when he came home, which he never does, LOL. Do you have any idea how many times my friends told me to get over it? Even Miranda, the girl I met in the dorms my freshmen year—without knowing anything about him—told me I needed to move on. She said “To get over a guy, you have to get under a new one.”
She was mostly right, not that casual sex has ever been my thing. I was buzzed at a party a few weekends ago and decided this guy I met was cute enough to bring home for the night; turns out he couldn’t last longer than a few minutes and I had to finish ON MY OWN with a vibrator while he past out next to me. Ugh. I laid in bed next to him counting down the hours until daylight and I could kick him out. Instead he tried to hang out, wanted to get breakfast, like DUDE, NO. GO HOME. You came in two minutes why do I want you around?! You are not boyfriend material.
Anyway. The point is, I’m trying. I get literal second-hand embarrassment for myself reading some of these entries back to myself but guess we can’t go back in time and change things—not that I would do anything differently other than…maybe say something to him? Tell him. Confess. What’s the worst thing that would have happened, he would let me down gently.
Alright. Spending the weekend with family and going to dinner with my grandparents tonight, Nana is finally retiring from the job she’s had for a billion years.
This is Tess, signing off….
CHAPTER 58
TESS
LIFE IS SHORT. YOUR ORGASM SHOULDN’T BE
This is our last night together before I leave for Texas tomorrow.
Drew and I have had our ups and downs over the past few weeks, and I’m still not clear on where we stand, but at least things are more normal than they are when I arrived.
Ish.
Normalish.
I don’t want to jinx it but the guy I thought I was in love with when I was a kid? Is a far better man than I could have ever predicted he’d be.
More sensitive. Stronger.
More caring.
Gentle.
Patient.
He’s taking me on another date tonight—kind of a do-over from the last first date—but told me not to dress up and to keep it casual. I have no idea what we could be doing or where we’re going.
Drew is dressed in a flannel plaid shirt and jeans, work boots, and a baseball hat and looks pretty darn edible.
“So where are you taking me?” I ask, giving him a playful sideways glance as we pull out of his driveway.
“Little Miss Nosy, it’s a secret. You’ll find out soon enough.”
“It’s a secret, but I still want to know. I hate surprises.” I cross my arms, hating this surprise. “Come on, give me a hint at least. One little one.”
He pretends to ponder for a moment, his lips pursed. “Well, let’s just say it’s a place where no one will bother us except nature, and you may be part of the buffet.”
“Does this mean you’re takin’ me out to a field to murder me?” Because that sounds terrible. “That’s the worst hint I’ve ever heard.”
He concentrates on the road, his hand casually resting on the gearshift. “Just relax.”