How Not To Be A Goddess Read Online Marian Tee

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Nana laughed. "That's how you think of her?"

"At least it's not the B word," I said a little defensively. "And she was an itch he should've had the decency not to scratch while he was still with me." If he had just broken up with me first, I would've respected him so much more. But instead, Jason had thought he could get away with infidelity.

"He looked rather broken though," Nana offered hesitantly, "when he visited you."

Naturally, I couldn't help thinking. Jason had suffered from some kind of midlife crisis while we were together, and he had been stupid enough to think Alicia was the cure for it. Instead, she was the biggest mistake of his life, and I rather suspected he realized this when he thought I was on my deathbed.

"If he asks you back..."

I was already shaking my head before Nana even finished her question. "Nope." I could forgive him if he asked for it, but that was that. "He's the past, and I'm all about the present—-"

Nana raised a brow when I suddenly stopped speaking. "What is it?"

"There is one thing that bothers me a little, and I know it's shallow, but I can't help thinking how much it sucks, that my last memory before waking up in this hospital was me being in my late thirties. And now I'm forty, and I can't even remember how it was to be thirty-nine—-"

"It's nothing to feel bad about," Nana joked. "Being thirty-nine is quite overrated."

I couldn't help laughing at that. "Oh, Nan." She always did know the right thing to say, and I was incredibly grateful for it.

"But truly, dear—-" Nana peered at me curiously. "Does being forty truly feel that bad?"

"Well..." I chewed on my lip thoughtfully. "I guess, it only started to bother me when I finally went online, and I saw my inbox flooded with get-well-soon messages."

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"It would've been if it were just that, but it wasn't. They all - I do mean all - started the same way, saying that they were so happy that I woke up. But after that..." I gave Nana a sour look. "They all launched into these well-meaning warnings, saying that they hope and pray I'd find the right man soon and have babies, because that's what life is all about."

"And you don't think it is?"

"I just hate it," I couldn't help sulking. "They made it seem like a woman can't afford to be single and forty if she doesn't belong to a particular income bracket. It just makes me...grrrr."

Nana burst into laughter. "I have never heard anyone literally say 'grr' before."

"But you can see why it makes my blood boil, right?"

"I certainly do," Nana said wryly, "since I was also in the same boat, once upon a time. I was a career woman before the term was even coined, and back in my day, people thought this odd. They believed only their definition of happiness mattered, and everyone else got it wrong."

"Exactly! And do you know - I tried looking up self-help books for women who just hit the big four-oh, and all of the bestsellers I saw were for married women in their forties. I mean, seriously. What is up with that? Am I unimportant just because I didn't choose to rent out my womb to unborn babies?"

"Of course not, dear."

"I just feel like the whole world's written me off, Nana, and all because I'm not your typical forty year old."

Nana gave me a sympathetic smile. "Just let them be, dear. It's your life, and you must live it as you see fit. Never let other people dictate your actions. That was my mistake, you know, and I ended up letting my whole life go to waste—-"

"Aww, Nana." It broke my heart to hear her speak like that. "You've got to practice what you preach, and think positive, too. Your life is far from over—-" I saw Nana blinking as if I had suddenly blurted out today's winning numbers for the lottery.

"Oh, my dear." Nana had a rueful expression on her face. "I thought you already knew."

My brows furrowed. "Knew what?"

"I'm already dead."

FIRST IMPRESSIONS ALWAYS last. I've always believed in that. Lived and swore by it, too, and that was probably why, when the shock finally wore off, I had found the truth rather easy to adjust to.

I can see ghosts now.

It should've frightened me out of my wits, and I supposed it did...for a while. But because this was Nana we were talking about, who was so motherly and cuddly-sweet, it was impossible to stay scared, just impossible, even after seeing Nana - in an attempt to prove her ghostly existence - float out of her chair and pass through the walls.

If it had been any other ghost doing that, the sight would've likely made me pee in my hospital gown, and it wouldn't have had anything to do with stress incontinence caused by perimenopause.


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