How Not To Be A Goddess Read Online Marian Tee

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Absence made the heart grow fonder, Saoirse, so for your marriage's sake, give the dude some space.

And besides...

"I'm baaaaaaack!"

Ghostly applause erupted in Apartment 13B as I floated through the wall to make my grand entrance. A flurry of figuratively warm hugs engulfed me soon after, and even eight-year-old Mary Priscilla burst into tears, never mind if she also insisted afterwards it was only because the sight of me hurt her eyes. Damn little brat was horrible like always, but whatever. I was just too happy to get snarky in return.

The Underworld might be my new home now, but the ghostly side of Portland would always occupy a special place in my heart, and it felt great to be around everyone again, just hanging and haunting like old times.

Even better, none of my disembodied chums seemed to hold it against me that I had ended up marrying the "enemy". I mean, sure, many of them still looked slightly ill every time I accidentally slipped up and mentioned Hadrian's name, but it wasn't like they were being deliberately offensive. My husband and my ghostly pals were like oil and water; they simply weren't destined to mix, and while I was mostly okay with that...

I glanced down at Mary Priscilla, who was in one of her rare moments of silence as she floated next to me a few inches off the ground.

It was only the two of us now, with the party having come to an end when the sun started to set. With the sole exception of Joaquin, a Spaniard cursed only to haunt in the daylight, most other spirits preferred to attend to their personal business in the dark.

And as for Mary Priscilla...

I knew the girl would rather wear denim than admit it, but the brat had been quite the loner since her mysterious death in the sixties. She had been this close to turning into a poltergeist out of sheer boredom, and once that line was crossed...

Well, let's just say I had saved the world from the worst nightmare that could've been, the day I started seeing ghosts, and annoying me had consequently become Mary Priscilla's renewed purpose in the Afterlife. I'd like to keep it that way as well, but since I was now LOTUS, and I'd have to spend more and more time in the Underworld—-

"You're looking at me that way again," Mary Priscilla said suspiciously.

"No! I mean, um, what way?"

"Like you think I'd be sad when you go."

"Well, won't you?"

"I won't die when you leave for the Underworld," she grumbled. "I'm already dead, remember?"

I let out a gasp. "Oh my. Is that an actual joke I'm hearing?"

Mary Priscilla made a face, and since I wasn't above such things, I made a face right back.

"You're so childish," she muttered.

"Childlike," I corrected her. "I have a childlike—-"

But the brat simply cut me off, asking, "Isn't the Underworld full of ghosts already? Why would you need another one?"

"Well—-"

"Or is it because you have an actual job for me over there?"

The cautiously hopeful expression on her face was all the clue I needed, and I heard myself agree rashly, "Yes, indeed. You hit the nail on the head." I could already hear the ARM groaning in my head as the words left my mouth, but as if such rashness wasn't enough—-

"You mean it, Saoirse? You guys really have a job for me?"

I went on to dig a deeper hole for myself as an even bigger and dumber lie left my lips—-

"If you really want to know, it was my husband who came up with the idea."

Mary Priscilla's face glowed with genuine joy, and I felt torn between happiness and panic. Since this brat only usually smiled when she had succeeded in scaring the bejeezus out of a human being...surely I was doing the right thing here?

I mean...only someone heartless would make a little girl stop smiling because of something as inconsequential as the truth, and when Mary Priscilla even started jumping like a normal second-grade kid—-

Definitely doing the right thing, I tried convincing myself.

"What kind of job would I have?" Mary Priscilla suddenly asked.

"It's...um..." Shit. My mind drew a blank, and so I ended up stammering, "It's a surprise."

"Just give me a hint then," the little girl insisted.

"Well..."

"Just one hint, please."

"It's...um..." I could feel myself starting to panic as absolutely nothing came to mind, and just as I was leaning towards admitting to Mary Priscilla it was all a lie, a rather unexpected sight caught my eye—-

Fuck.

An uneasy feeling of déjà vu came over me. What I was seeing right now felt awfully like another deus ex machina, but when I saw Mary Priscilla about to start nagging me again, I found myself throwing caution to the wind as I pointed to the sight—-

"Oh, look!"

I crossed my fingers behind my back as Mary Priscilla turned around. Some people believed a deus ex machina was a work of the gods, and since I, for one, knew better than most how gods could be either good or evil—-


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