Total pages in book: 44
Estimated words: 41151 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 206(@200wpm)___ 165(@250wpm)___ 137(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 41151 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 206(@200wpm)___ 165(@250wpm)___ 137(@300wpm)
That is the most consecutive words she has ever said to me, and they contain a pretty devastating judgement that might not be entirely wrong.
I’m torn between my asshole outrage that she dared to speak to me that way, and a certain admiration for the courage I know it must have taken her to say any of it. Dreamy has never been taught to speak up for herself.
Then it occurs to me. She’s not speaking up for herself. She’s speaking up for me. She’s risking my ire because she cares that I am being betrayed by those I trust and not seeing it.
I pick her up from the medical bed, enjoying the squeak of uncertainty that emerges from her as I swing her into my arms and hold her close.
“You,” I say, “are mine.”
The words don’t really convey what I feel, but they will have to do.
9
Dreamy
I’m his. His, aboard a ship full of wounded, suspicious, violent criminals, at least one of whom has betrayed him. Shah has always seemed larger than life, more powerful than I can express. Now he suddenly seems vulnerable. He could kill anybody who needed to be killed, but without knowing who to kill, he’s almost helpless.
“I’m going to put you back in my quarters,” he says. “I want you to keep the doors shut. If anybody tries to enter who isn’t me, I want you to use this.”
He presses a weapon into my hand, a simple little laser bolt. Things like this are very illegal back in the Colony. It can be activated by the thumb while it is palmed in the hand, the laser emerging from the far end meaning death as it emanates from the curl of my little finger.
“Anybody who isn’t me, you kill,” he repeats. “I don’t care who it is. Do you understand?”
I nod.
“Dreamy,” he says. “Your life may depend on this. Do you understand?”
“Yes. I understand,” I assure him verbally.
I don’t know if I could ever hurt somebody. I’ve never thought of doing so before. I’ve certainly never considered that I might have to hurt someone to defend myself. I’m not built for Shah’s life. I don’t belong in his world. I was made to live in a safe little contained world, to carry out tasks, and to make no decisions at all. It’s truly possible that the only decisions I ever made were helping Shah when he needed it and going to club Omega. Is that all it takes to define a life? Two decisions? I suppose most people I know never even make one.
Back in Shah’s rooms, he briefs me. “We’re going to be transferring Zeki to the hospital as soon as we dock there. I’m going to go with her and Malik. Don’t open the door until we return. If it opens, and I’m not the one walking through it, you know what to do.”
Three times now he’s commanded me to kill someone in cold blood. He really does not know me very well. I know I won’t be able to push that button, no matter what. I nod, though, because I know that is what he wants me to do. Now is not the time to indulge in a crisis of confidence. Shah needs me to obey, and that is the one thing I have some experience in doing. Compliance is my superpower.
“Good girl,” Shah says, dropping a kiss on my head.
He leaves, the doors clunking together with bolt sounds behind him once he’s gone. I am locked in. I am trapped in a room with an entire hostile ship outside waiting to do me in. I feel like a sardine in a can that somehow survived the canning only to be forced to wait for the inevitable end.
Toying with the laser weapon, I imagine what it might be like to fire it at a person…
Click.
ZIP!
“Oops.”
I did not mean to hit the trigger button. It’s actually much more sensitive than I thought it would be. That really seems very unsafe. Also, I’ve set a pillow on fire.
Grabbing it, I throw it into the bath and turn the water on. Flames turn to hissing steam. Nothing that can’t be removed by the automatic venting system. It’s fine. I’m fine. As long as I don’t burn my locked room down with myself inside it, I might just survive.
I have time to think about things now. Like how horrified Shah was when he realized I hadn’t been chemically prevented from reproducing and that I had the ability to be pregnant. It’s not something I ever thought about either, though I suppose I should have. When Shah is inside me, I’m not thinking about anything besides pleasure. Pregnancy isn’t an issue in the Colony because we don’t have sex. So though I knew better, I wasn’t thinking better. Neither was he.