Total pages in book: 61
Estimated words: 57337 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 287(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 57337 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 287(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
“I don’t…I can’t…Whaaa—“
“Oh, come on, Jack. You’ve watched me do this a thousand times by now. It’s not that hard. Just pat on his back kinda softly but firmly, so the air bubbles in his belly come out.”
“Yeah, but he always gets sick. It can’t be good for him.”
“He just loses some of the food with it. It doesn’t hurt him. And it’s only milk. You’ll be fine.”
I firmly placed the baby on his shoulder and walked away toward my room, purposefully not watching as Jack figured it out. I didn’t want to cave in to anybody’s pleading eyes—truth is, I was thrilled to finally have someone who might share some of the baby-care responsibilities.
I loved my baby, to the core of my being and beyond anything in this world, but it was exhausting being a single mommy to a newborn with medical issues. I’m sure it was exhausting for every mommy, but I only knew my own experience, and I was so ready for an extra set of eyes and hands to help out.
I just prayed that Jack would be as good as his word, and really stay on board. I knew he could opt out whenever he wanted; he was only Peter’s uncle, not his father. Still, I wanted Jack to be a constant, actively-engaged father figure to my son. I really wanted that for Peter. That was my ideal dream, the thing I would do just about anything to give to him. And I wanted my son to know him, to grow up with that example, and in the circle of Jack’s family, whoever else they might be.
Several minutes had passed by now, and I didn’t hear anything from the living room, so I poked my head out to see what they were up to. Jack was lying back on the couch, holding Peter by his sides sitting on top of his chest. Jack was making some rumbly noises and funny faces, and Peter was watching his face closely, sometimes reaching out a little hand to try to grab at Jack’s chin or nose or lips. They were beautiful together, and I found myself tearing up again.
I returned to my room, leaving them to spend some time alone. I knew that soon enough Jack would need my help to change Peter’s diaper—it wouldn’t serve to push Jack’s boundaries too hard, too fast. He’d be changing diapers within a few days, but right then, I thought, should just be about the good stuff for him. For them both.
# # #
After dinner that night, Jack and I were lounging on the couch with a couple of beers. Peter was asleep again, and we were in a comfortable lull. But I needed to talk, and he needed to hear what I had to say.
“Jack, I need us to be clear on something. First off, you have to know how thrilled I am that you are now sure about Peter being Keith’s. That’s huge—for you, and for Peter.”
“You gotta know, babe, I loved my brother. He was gone. He is gone. But now…now, I have a part of him back. And that baby…I need to be part of his life. You have to let me. You have to let me be for Peter what Keith can’t be. No matter what happens between us, I need that, and that baby needs that. He needs a man. He needs me. Don’t cut me out of his life. Ever.” He was looking at me hard, willing me with all of his energy to give him the assurance he needed.
Since it was exactly what I wanted for Peter as well, it was an easy give. “I swear to you, Jack, as long as you are good to and for him, I will never, ever, cut you off from him. But if you ever, even once, hurt—“
“I would never do that. I would never do that. You have to know that. Okay, Ellie? You follow? I swear to you. Peter comes first. I swear.”
We just looked at each other for a minute in silence, both of us feeling the weight of our promises to each other.
I broke it. “Good. So, we should also get on the same page about us, then. This marriage thing…” I wasn’t really sure how to say what I wanted to say, but he was already nodding.
“Yeah, okay, so. We need to not fuck this up.”
“Exactly. Whew. Yes. So I think…”
“We should not have sex again.”
I looked up at him, and he was leaning forward, forearms resting on his thighs, but his head was turned to me, gauging my reaction, dead serious.
I felt like a balloon that had suddenly lost its air. “Yeah. Yes. We shouldn’t.” It was right, it was true. But it was also depressing.
“Right. Because the last thing I want is for things to get rough between us. I won’t allow that, Ellie. Peter comes first. We are getting married. You need that money. Peter needs that money. And I need to make sure you have it, for your own peace of mind. That said, I want you to know that I expect to provide for you and Peter as much as Keith would. And he’d have been a solid provider, whether or not you two ever got together as a couple.”