Total pages in book: 61
Estimated words: 57337 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 287(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 57337 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 287(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
“You look so good together.” Apparently, my mouth was in a sharing mood—the words just popped out, no filter.
“Yeah?” Even Jack’s voice, in its grumble, seemed warmer. Happier.
“Yeah.”
“Tell me about him.”
Wow. Jack had just given me the opening I’d had no idea I needed, but hadn’t known how to find.
“Peter’s…Peter’s a miracle.” Already I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, but there was no way I was going to get through this tale without crying some, so I didn’t try to fight them. I grabbed some paper napkins from the pizza delivery on the coffee table, and began to share what Jack should know.
“He was born early—really early, at thirty-two weeks.”
Jack’s face was a blank, and I realized that that number meant nothing to him.
“Okay, so normal pregnancies last for forty weeks. He was eight weeks early. That’s close to a full two months. He was only four pounds, one ounce, and he lost weight after he was born. He was so tiny. But he’s eleven weeks old now, so he’s doing pretty well, considering. But…” The tears started spilling, and I looked away, trying to control my breathing enough to go on. This was always the worst part, and I hadn’t yet learned how to tell it well.
“But…? Ellie, spill. That was one hell of a ‘but’. He looks okay to me, it can’t be that bad.”
“Peter has a congenital heart defect. It was discovered when he was four weeks old—he was still in the hospital. He’d been having some trouble feeding, sweating through his onesies. God, I was so scared. But they did a bunch of tests and figured out what was wrong. There were some issues with the left side of his heart, and they were able to fix the worst part with a surgery, but he’ll have to go back for more operations as he gets older and bigger and stronger. So it’s not over, not really. But he’s a fighter; he’ll make it. He’ll make it.” My tears poured. Peter would make it, but I wasn’t so sure about myself. I was still a wreck, every time I let myself think about it.
Jack looked torn. His hands pressed Peter with even more warmth, more care now. More love. I don’t know how I could see that, but I could. At this point, Jack’s eyes were on me, and he looked pissed off and worried and frustrated, all at the same time. Like he didn’t know how to keep hold of Peter, but he was also obviously unhappy about my crying, and wanted to do something to counter it. I couldn’t tell if it was a general uneasiness with a woman’s tears, or a reaction specific to my sob story and that of my baby.
And damn, but I hated that I was so stereotypical. Sob story. It was my reality, though, and if it made me cry, I’d own it. I had earned these tears, damn it.
“Okay, Ellie. I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe…if this little guy is actually Keith’s—and I want to believe that he is, I’m telling you that right now—if he is, you have to know I’ll do anything I can to help you out. Long haul. I’m all in. Damn, how long is that test going to take? When’s the next surgery? Is he okay? He’s not going to suffocate on me or anything, is he? Should you take him from me now? I don’t want to hurt him.”
“No, no, he’s fine. He’s okay. He’s good right now. Look, he fell asleep on you. He’s good where he is.”
“I think you should take him back. Like, now.” Jack looked agitated. Actually, that was an understatement. Jack looked about ready to jump out of his own skin.
I got up and gathered my little sleepy bean into my arms and kissed his sweet head. The moment Jack was free, he jumped up and started pacing the room, running his hands through his hair. I watched him for a minute, then moved toward my room to put the baby down.
Jack body-blocked me, gently putting his hands on my shoulders and protectively keeping space for Peter between us. “Where are you going?”
“I’m just gonna lay him down in his basket. It’ll be easier for him to sleep where it’s quieter. He wakes up really easily.” And I disappeared for a minute into my room. Petey was totally out, so I was back in less than a minute.
“You’re sure he’s okay in there? What if something happens and we don’t…we gotta get one of those radio things. Shit. Where do we get one of those radio things for babies?”
“You mean a baby monitor? They have ’em all over the place. We can pick one up tomorrow if you want.”
“Yeah. Okay. We gotta do that. Might go tonight, get some stuff. That’d be good, right?”