Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 78164 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 391(@200wpm)___ 313(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78164 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 391(@200wpm)___ 313(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
Of course, my theatrics caused a general panic amongst the littles, a watcher reported me, and Cyderial descended.
My mate being a pure leader and utterly terrifying, the boy wet himself by the time the general was finished yelling at him.
Cyderial continued the class, and Cyderial did break three fingers. The boy, the girl, and another student who made a simple mistake.
Order returned, but all I could think about was the fact that my baby would have to go through this if I dared do something so stupid as grow pregnant.
I wanted my daughter to be able to twirl, to laugh, to sing….
The more these ideas came to me, the more I began to wonder what she might look like should I indulge in this insanity.
Would she have pale hair like her father, or dark, thick hair like mine? I always saw her with my brown, hooded eyes, and I imagined a pretty smile that would be taken from her when she was five.
When she would be forced to come here, and I might only see her in class. How much would she hate me for it?
Would she ever be able to forgive me for offering her up as a sacrifice before society developed enough to deserve her? Would she understand why I was so stupidly considering such a nightmare?
Would it ultimately benefit her if I took this risk now before the opportunity for male support evaporated?
Was I wrong about everything?
Dark thoughts would come, daydreams about the fog I longed to disappear into. Secret wishes that poison air would roll through the city and choke all the humans who made this suffering necessary.
Secret bitterness grew in my heart; I began to sound like Cyderial in my thoughts. Why should we die for them, when they already solved the issue of their existence with our creation?
But so many of the humans did not see us as their children.
Strangers on the street called me an abomination.
Many would call my children abominations.
How I could have grown so disillusioned so quickly saddened me deeply. But I forced it down, hid it, unprepared to admit my inner failings to the very man who shattered my world view.
In a matter of days, teaching those wonderful children, knowing what I knew, I grew to loath the unseen humans in power—influential men and women whose names I heard in meetings yet never so much as laid my eyes upon.
I wished horrible evils would befall them. Then shame would come for such dark thoughts.
Afraid of what it might mean should I confess my wicked imaginings, I submitted to my mate’s ridiculous possessiveness and let him exorcise my demons without complaint.
He told me to eat; I ate.
He told me to drink; I drank.
Sleep? I closed my eyes. On the white couch in the middle of the day. In his arms in the night.
Spread, yield, climax? Yes.
Cyderial was the master of purging shame straight from my body.
“You can talk to me, Lorieyn.” He said it so sweetly, smoothing loose hair that escaped the knot at my nape, offering me something sweet to snack on while I worked through the endless paperwork that came with my new position.
In his office, perched on the white couch, I refused. “I don’t want to.”
“I’m here when you change your mind.”
I hated that he could be so nice when he was also so terrible. But I also didn’t resist when he sought to give me comfort in any way.
Against the wall, on his desk, atop the exact place on the floor he hurt me the first time.
Even there. There, I climaxed until I thought I might die.
Because I was a broken person starved for anything to make me feel better.
Each morning, I arrived at the academy with my stomach flat but had yet to leave once without my belly swollen and huge.
Between duties, I sought him for comfort. I sought him for company. I sought him out for pleasure when I was in the mood to play instead of brood.
I indulged in my addiction.
In his home, watching him cook for me gave me delight. His tricks with the knives, his terrible jokes, seeing the way he chugged down nutrient fluid, knowing he was preparing to fill me to bursting… all of it excited me.
After work hours, we enjoyed sweet moments of comfortable silence. Long walks past the hybrid reservoir, explorations of the interesting layout of our segment of the fascinating city. Maze-like streets designed to confuse the vorec should they break through the walls. Old remnants of the original settlement unpopular with humans yet embraced by my kind.
Fair General Aegir, stoic General Boreal, and deviously smirking General Murdoch hovered near wherever I went, watching me with that unblinking stare males preferred.
Men who I saw trailing us through the city, no matter where Cyderial had taken me. Who stalked me any moment I stepped a toe outside Cyderial’s home or the academy.