Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 95886 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 479(@200wpm)___ 384(@250wpm)___ 320(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 95886 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 479(@200wpm)___ 384(@250wpm)___ 320(@300wpm)
Dr. Hu was the kind of person who listened intently, leaning forward on his stool, smiling and nodding, a sort of scientific intensity to his interest, reducing Garrick’s fumbling explanations down to impersonal data.
“I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but you’re lucky—a best-case scenario sort of situation. Incomplete injury, enough nerve function to retain continence, some mobility returning, and even the occasional ejaculation. The erectile dysfunction you’re experiencing is incredibly common in situations like yours, and again, luckily, treatable.”
Lucky. There was that word again that Garrick hated so much. He didn’t like feeling caught between gratitude and doom, self-blame lurking no matter which way he turned.
“Common meaning normal.” Rain nodded enthusiastically. Another word that Garrick was coming to hate. There had been nothing normal about his life since he fell from that tree, and hearing that others shared his issues wasn’t much comfort as he was trying to defy the odds.
“Exactly. And just like you’ve learned to deal with the mobility challenges, there are a variety of strategies you can employ here. It helps to have a mindset that not all sex needs to be penetrative.” Dr. Hu’s eyes darted toward Rain, and Garrick would have chuckled had he been less uncomfortable. For his part, Rain looked like he was seconds away from whipping out his phone and taking notes. Garrick tried to listen as Dr. Hu went on, talking about different things to try like various medications and external vibrators of certain frequencies, but it was hard to get past the buzzing in his brain that kept protesting this was not normal, not something he wanted to deal with.
“Are the pills kind of like my crutches? Something I might not need with enough time?” It would help if he could treat this like the PT, a necessary waystation to get his life back.
Dr. Hu frowned for the first time since he’d entered the room. “You’re expecting to not need the crutches? Is that the prognosis your neurology team has shared with you? Because your chart... That’s not precisely the conclusion I’m drawing.”
“I know what the chart says. But I kept the leg when that was in jeopardy. I walked when they said I wouldn’t. I’m going to return to smoke jumping. Beat predictions. I’m still in intense PT—I have to believe more improvements are coming.”
“Ah. Well, while I’m optimistic for you, I’m also a realist. The medicines—and other interventions—might simply be a part of your new normal. We’ll schedule regular follow-ups, but assuming you keep in good health with stable blood pressure, there’s no reason to put undue pressure on yourself to...perform to certain pre-injury expectations.”
“Thanks.” Garrick didn’t appreciate that viewpoint, but growling at the doctor wasn’t going to solve anything, so he shoved his increasingly sour mood down. He’d simply have to prove this doctor wrong too, along with everyone else.
Resolved, he attempted to pay attention to the rest of the appointment, managing a laugh when Rain did in fact take notes on his phone about the specific medicine Dr. Hu wanted to try first.
“You’ve got the most important element for success—a supportive partner. You’re both very lucky.”
Not that Garrick didn’t agree that Rain was worth the praise, but he’d had more than enough of that word, and his tone came out surly. “Yeah.”
Rain gave him a censuring look, making Garrick feel worse for making him deal with this in the first place. Dr. Hu wrapped up the appointment, and then it was time for Rain to drive Garrick into work. Rain’s first day was tomorrow, and he chatted about that as they got underway.
“So do you want to pick up your prescription after work? I can pick you up if you need a ride.”
“Tucker’s taking me home. I’ll get to the pharmacy at some point.”
“Okay.” Rain drummed his fingers against the steering wheel. “You know it’s normal to be frustrated, and if you want to talk about it—”
“I don’t. And I’m tired of hearing what’s normal. None of this is. You can drop the fake cheerfulness. I know this is a pain in the neck for you too—”
“It’s not fake. I’ve told you, I like helping you, but this isn’t even about that. I like you. I freaking love sex with you. And I’m genuinely excited—for both of us—that you get to have more of it. And if it takes a visit to the pharmacy to make that happen, then that’s hardly a hassle. I’ve had worse dates.” At the next stoplight, he gave Garrick a reassuring grin, one that made guilt snake up Garrick’s back.
“Sorry. You don’t deserve my bad mood.”
“No, you don’t deserve your bad mood. But I do understand it. It’s okay. You can be a little grouchy.”
But it wasn’t okay, and even after he was at work, he continued to feel bad that he’d been snappy at Rain, who didn’t deserve it, and Rain could say it didn’t matter all he wanted, but Garrick had noticed his smile drooping around the edges.