Total pages in book: 34
Estimated words: 30747 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 154(@200wpm)___ 123(@250wpm)___ 102(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 30747 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 154(@200wpm)___ 123(@250wpm)___ 102(@300wpm)
Ian added, "The most important thing is open, honest communication between a Daddy and his little one to make sure everyone is comfortable and fulfilled."
"Thank you for explaining it to me," I told them both. They obviously had the ‘open, honest communication’ part covered, even when it came to speaking to me. They were so unapologetic with their lifestyle. "It’s beautiful."
The whole basis of their relationship revolved around identifying and meeting unique desires. There was no judgment; only love and understanding. Joey was free to explore his interests without fear of getting chastised, and Ian was happy to see his special boy flourish.
Now that I understood it, the idea of a Daddy sounded incredible. I’d give anything to have someone who not only accepted my needs, but supported them. As I thought about someone watching me brush my Barbie’s hair or even playing with me, my heart ached with need.
It was as if a hundred questions about myself were simultaneously answered. I’m…a little. All my life, I hadn’t known the name for it, just how I felt inside. But as the words bounced around my mind, nothing had ever felt more right. It was as natural as saying my own name. As I envisioned the things Joey talked about; toys, playing, and snuggles, my heart raced and my breathing grew quick. A whole new world was opening up to me.
And the best thing about this new world was knowing that I wasn’t alone. There were other people just like me, and that made me feel like maybe there wasn’t anything wrong with me after all; maybe I just hadn’t met the right people. Even though the circumstances weren’t great, I was blessed to have met Joey and Ian.
I’m afraid I wasn’t good company as Ian drove across town. My brain was buzzing with the information given to me, and dreams of what it could all mean for the future.
But could it actually mean anything? Dalton wouldn’t be in jail forever. And if he couldn’t handle me owning a doll, there was no way in hell he’d be okay with any of this. He’d probably disown me, and definitely kick me out of the apartment.
Of course, I’d be kicked out soon anyway if I couldn’t pay the rent. All of my problems, which Joey’s news had distracted me from, came crashing down upon me again, making my stomach squeeze.
“Your thinking face turned into a worried face,” Joey pointed out from beside me.
“I’m sorry.” The last thing I wanted to do was bring down the mood when we were supposed to be having a fun time together. “I have a lot on my mind.”
“Would you like to talk about it?” Ian asked with another glance in the mirror. It wasn’t hard to see his caretaking side; it was obvious in the softness of his tone and the words he chose.
“I don’t want to be a burden,” I answered honestly. As nice as it would be to share my troubles with someone, I didn’t want to ruin the day and make Joey change his mind about hanging out with me.
“I promise you that’s not how we will feel,” Ian assured with kindness in his voice.
“Yeah, you’re not a burden,” Joey agreed. “You’re our friend. You can talk to us about anything.”
The offer was too good to refuse. I took a deep breath and released everything weighing down my soul. “The only family I have is my brother, and he’s gone; he’s in prison.” I immediately felt dumb and rubbed my forehead. “Of course you already know that because you are the people he attacked to get in prison. I still feel so badly about what he did, and I know he wouldn’t have done it if it weren’t for my actions.”
I stumbled into a clumsy explanation, “He doesn’t understand my interests or needs. I guess I didn’t even fully understand them until today. I only knew that dolls brought me comfort and happiness, but my owning one made Dalton furious and drove him to try and hurt you. He will never accept me. He sees me as weak and stupid and I’m finding out that I am those things. I just turned twenty but I don’t know how to be an adult. I don’t know how to drive or work. I’m not very educated. I’m afraid I’m going to lose my home because I don’t have money to pay for it.”
I reached into my back pocket and pulled out the thick stack of envelopes. “Bills are piling up around me and I don’t know what to do. I look at them and my stomach churns and I feel physically sick. I’m overwhelmed and scared and I’m so sorry to dump all of this on you.” I looked over at Joey with watery eyes. “I know this isn’t fun. You probably won’t want to hang out with me anymore, and I understand.”