Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 97466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 487(@200wpm)___ 390(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 487(@200wpm)___ 390(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
“Oh, honey, it is when it blinds you to the reality of things. You know what happened three minutes before this photo was taken? I was about to rip our marriage certificate in half—the one we’d just signed—because he didn’t want to stop and take a picture to commemorate our wedding ceremony. And you remember that we had this wedding ceremony at the courthouse in the first place because we had a monster fight a few days before, right? I hit every weak spot the man has with laser accuracy, and if my students ever used the language I used, I’d keep them in detention until graduation. It was brutal. Love isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, and anyone who goes into a relationship expecting it to be is doomed to disappointment.”
“That’s not true. Mom and Dad’s love was easy,” I argued.
Abby sighed. “How do you know? We only saw the good parts. For all we know, they kept the hard bits out of sight. Nobody’s love is easy, Hugh, because people aren’t easy. We’re all a mass of contradictions and imperfections.” She scooted closer, putting a hand on my knee. “That’s the reality of it. Love is choosing your partner even when you’re pissed off at them. Love is giving your partner the chance to do the right thing. Love is compromise and not always getting what you want. Love is learning all the rules to a game you don’t particularly like so you can understand what your partner is yelling at the television about.”
“You make it sound so glamorous,” I grumbled.
Abby laughed. “That’s the thing. It’s not glamorous. Not in the day-to-day. You photograph weddings and film videos about how people fell in love. You capture people’s best moments. And that’s great and important and inspiring work, but… it’s not the whole story. I would argue it’s not even the most important part of the story. No one could live up to that ideal all day, every day. But this—”
She reached for a stack of photos on a side table and rifled through them until she found a specific shot. She shoved it at me.
I stared down at a picture of Oscar and me. We were standing together outside the bar, the sky dark around us except for thin shards of colored lights from the neon beer logos in the pub’s window. We were in profile, almost in silhouette. Oscar had his arm around me and was smiling at me. I vaguely remembered the moment when he’d offered me his coat.
The picture was striking. The expression on our faces. Even from the side, the way we looked at each other was obvious. The absolute adoration.
“I know you said your relationship was fake, but this is real,” she said, tapping the photo. “My friend Chelsea took it out the window because Sage said he wished he’d gotten a picture of the two of you to show his mom. You weren’t putting on a show here. You didn’t realize anyone was looking at you. This was just the two of you together, in love.”
My heart squeezed so tight that I worried it might shatter. Tears blurred my eyes at the truth of her words.
“This is love,” Abby said, her voice soft but fierce. “And it’s the kind of love that’s worth fighting for.”
“But how do I convince him?” I asked. “How do I make him give us a chance?”
She shook her head. “You can’t. But Hugh… if you’re honest with yourself, you’re holding back out of fear too.”
“What? I am not! I’m the one who—”
“Is so worried that time is ticking down and Oscar hasn’t come to some huge revelation that you’re looking for an escape hatch?” Abby suggested. “Is trying to hide behind some idealized version of love as an excuse for not being all in?”
I stared at her, stunned.
“Have you told Oscar how you feel?” she asked gently.
“N-no. Of course not! If I did that… If I told him… I…” I swallowed.
“You’d be in the same boat on January first that you’re in right now,” she concluded a trifle smugly and, worse, correctly. “No one can predict the future, Hugh. Mom and Dad are a prime example of that—they planned on growing old together, and they didn’t get that chance. Life is full of risk and unexpected pain. But it’s full of those things whether you hide from them or not.”
I took a deep breath. “I love him,” I blurted. “I’m… I’m…” I let out a laugh. “I’m completely out of my mind in love with him, Abs.”
“I know you are,” she said.
“He’s it for me, he really is.”
“Yup.”
“And more than that,” I said with growing confidence, “I’m the one he’s been waiting for.”
“Hell yes, you are.”
“So…” Another deep breath helped me ignore the swooping feeling in my stomach, the sudden dizziness in my head. “So I’m going to tell him I love him on New Year’s Day. And I’ll tell him that if that freaks him out and he wants to split up, or he wants to go back to being text-only friends for a while… then… then… Christ, I guess that’s what we’ll do. Because eventually? He is going to realize that what we have is the real thing, and I’m willing to wait for him. I just… I want him in my life. And I’m going to show him that he’s worth waiting for. I won’t let him push me away. I will stay.” I gave her a worried glance. “Does that sound a little stalker-ish? I was going for a kind of Queen Charlotte ‘I will stand with you between the heavens and the earth’ vibe, but—”