Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 77519 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 388(@200wpm)___ 310(@250wpm)___ 258(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77519 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 388(@200wpm)___ 310(@250wpm)___ 258(@300wpm)
“She told me plenty.”
Ethel nodded. “I was a bad mom.”
Hawk leaned on his handlebars and stared at her intently. “Is this all an act?” he asked.
Ethel smiled but it was a sad one. “No, it’s not an act.”
“I’ve known men who nearly died, and it hasn’t changed them one bit.”
The woman before him nodded. “Yeah, for me, I died for a few seconds, and it was the strangest feeling in the world. I didn’t float off to some magical place where there was birdsong and roses, and love and peace. I went to Hell.”
He stared at Ethel.
“Yeah, I believe Hell exists, and right now there’s a place for me, for everything I have done. You know, when you’re drugged and drunk and can only think of getting your next fix, it’s easy to do and say the shit we do and say. It’s a lot harder when you’re in a room that is replaying some of your worst moments in life. Where you get to see the hell you put your only daughter through.”
He stared at Ethel and even though she looked straight into his eyes, it was like she was transported back to whatever place she had been at when she was dead.
She shook her head. “You sink so low, you watch how you burned that bridge, and then it’s like you’re laughed at as you’re revived. You get to live, and as you do, you get a choice. Carry on living the way you did, knowing that the hell is just building. Or, you take another chance and you make changes. I made those changes. I once was a believer in God and the church. My own mother was a God-fearing woman. I lost my faith. I lost everything by the choices I made, and now I’m back on the right path. You can believe this is an act, until you go to Hell. Until you see the evil you did and what is waiting for you, you’ll never know. I need to make amends with my daughter. I need to know she is loved and happy. I need to know if you’re here to torment her, or if you’re here to love her.”
Hawk knew he could taunt, tease, and play the dumb card, but he had a sneaking suspicion this woman might actually be on his side. He looked at her and wasn’t sure if he should tell her the truth.
Seconds passed. The cold was seeping into his bones. He didn’t like this, but there was nothing else he could do.
“I love her,” he said. “I love her and I fucked up, and I have no way of winning her back.”
“You’re right. You messed up, but I have come to see in the last couple of days, that my daughter is the forgiving type. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but someday soon, she might. You’ve just got to be patient.” She smiled at him. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Hawk.”
“Does this mean you’re on my side?” he asked.
“This means I’m on the side of whatever my daughter chooses.”
And with that, she was gone.
Hawk stayed on his bike, even as the flurries started to fall. He hated the fucking snow. It was a pain in the ass.
He was about to start his bike up and head back to the clubhouse when the door opened and there was the woman he loved, stepping out. She was dressed in a pair of pajamas, and she had also thrown on a jacket. Her long brown hair was pulled back.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, coming toward him.
“Sightseeing,” he said.
He saw the humor on her lips, although she tried to hide it. Nikki did like his sense of humor. He had missed her so damn much.
“There is not a whole lot to see in the dark,” she said.
“I ate carrots. I can see fine.”
She ducked her head, and he knew she was smiling. He wanted her to smile at him.
“Darlene told me,” Hawk said.
“Yeah, I was talking with my mom and it got me thinking that it isn’t right for me to not finish the course, you know?”
“I’m glad. I want you to have everything your heart desires.”
She finally looked up at him. “Why?”
“You deserve it, Nikki. You always have.”
She stared at him for several seconds, and that turned into minutes. The snow had started to fall thickly around them, which pulled her gaze away from him.
“It’s getting cold. You better head back to the clubhouse.”
“I miss you,” Hawk said.
This drew her attention back to him.
“I miss you.”
“Hawk, we don’t have to do this.”
“I was never embarrassed by you,” Hawk said. “I know this is not going to sound good, but I didn’t expect it to last. You and me. Nothing ever lasts, and I didn’t want the guys to know about you. I didn’t want to give you the chance to find someone else.”