Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 83379 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83379 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
I handed it to her. “It’s me and Mercy.”
Mom stepped up to the bed to glance at the photo over Caitlin’s shoulder.
“Oh, honey, that’s beautiful,” she said, and Caitlin concurred.
“Yeah, Kerry must’ve taken it when I…” I trailed off, trying to picture it. It might’ve been my last session with Dr. Barnes, when I was really feeling connected to Mercy. I could see it in the photo, the way I was leaning toward him and making eye contact.
“Honey, are you okay?” Mom’s hand landed on my shoulder. Uh-oh, I had gone somewhere inside my head, but this time dreaming of Wyoming. It was the better alternative but still painful in its own way.
I blinked up at her. “I…yeah…sorry…was just trying to think of what day this was.”
“Well, it was lovely of him to gift you such a special memory.”
“That’s Kerry,” I replied. “Always thoughtful.”
He was that and so much more.
When Mom’s cell rang—regarding a property she was selling in the West Village—she excused herself to the other room to take the call.
It barely registered that she’d left as I stared down at the photo again. I thought about Mercy and what he might be doing right that instant. Was he in the pasture with Rocket and Piper? Did he miss our grooming sessions like I did?
Okay, pathetic. The horse was so not thinking of me.
What was that saying Sienna and Kerry said they had?
Only takes one horse to get their hooks in you.
Guess I was already a goner, not only for the horse, but a certain cowboy too.
“Hey,” Caitlin said in a quiet voice. “There’s something you’re not telling me. And don’t try to deny it.”
I looked at her then, and the way her eyes softened told me she had an inkling but was waiting for me to say it out loud. Maybe it would make me feel better if I finally did. So I just went for it. This was Caitlin, and I had nothing to lose.
I cleared my throat. “Kerry and me…”
Her hand flew to her mouth, her eyes widening in understanding. “Did something happen between you two?”
I looked away, my cheeks inflamed. “Yeah.”
“Holy shit balls. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because it had to be a secret. We’re sort of like family, and…”
“No, you’re not! You’re only connected by marriage. A dissolved marriage,” she said, and I nearly laughed because she sounded like me all those weeks trying to convince Kerry that we were two consenting adults wildly attracted to each other so why not go for it.
“Well, he’s honorable like that.” I motioned with my hand. “He’d never want to hurt Sienna like he did when he first came out.”
“So he feels he owes them penance for being gay?” she said in her blunt style.
“Something like that,” I replied, thinking about how much of himself he’d already given. But it was also one of the things I admired about him.
She scooted closer to me on the bed. “Tell me about Kerry.”
My stomach was trembling as I thought about him in that cowboy hat and those tight jeans, leaning against the barn in his quiet way. About his lips tenderly brushing mine while his hand possessively wound around my throat. Such a juxtaposition. One I didn’t think I’d find again in a person. Kerry was one of a kind.
“He’s caring and thoughtful and smart. Works his ass off to keep the farm afloat.”
“Probably to prove he can make it without his family’s help,” she said, and I nodded because she was getting the picture now.
“He has this gentle way about him. But he’s also so fucking hot.”
She nudged my shoulder, snickering. I ducked my head because my cheeks were on fire. Had I really just admitted that to my sister? Yeah…yeah I had.
“Are you in love with him?” she asked hesitantly.
“I think so, yeah.” Whoa, confessing that out loud was pretty trippy.
Her eyes widened. “Does he know?”
I shook my head. “I wouldn’t want to complicate things. Promise not to say anything to Mom. At least not before the wedding?”
“Yeah, okay,” she replied in a sympathetic tone. “Don’t worry, I’ll be too busy the next few days.”
So would I, which was probably a good thing. “I just need time to get over him.”
“I bet he needs time to get over you too.” She pulled me into a tight hug. “Let’s go get some ice cream. It cures everything.”
The wedding was beautiful, and it warmed my heart that Caitlin and Tim had found each other because they seemed a perfect match. I realized as they said their vows beneath an archway of flowers and against the backdrop of the ocean that I’d prefer a small and simple ceremony as well.
Someday.
If I ever found someone who wanted to spend forever with me too.
Of course, my thoughts kept drifting to Firefly Farm. I questioned why a summer in Wyoming could’ve affected me this much. Maybe when I’d had enough time and distance my perspective would change and it would hurt less. Or maybe this was just what heartbreak felt like—like your insides were being put through a blender.