Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 83379 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83379 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
And then, as if he’d made up his mind, his hand dropped from the door handle and he walked over to the swing and sat down. The swing bucked from the weight of him, and when his thigh pressed against mine, all the hairs on my legs rose from the contact. Still, I didn’t move away. Because we were both bigger guys, there seemed to be just enough room for both of us, but I supposed Ainsley could’ve squeezed herself between us if she’d wanted to.
One of those strange, random thoughts again.
His skin was warm, his thigh solid against mine as we swung silently with the moon as a backdrop in the night sky. No way would I ruin this moment, even if he didn’t want to talk. I’d be here to listen if he did. Lord knew, I could’ve used a friend a time or two.
“Mostly I dream about the explosion,” he said in a tight voice.
I stiffened briefly, then kept my eyes glued to a couple of twinkling stars. “Did you lose any brothers?”
“Two from my squad…and a boy from the village who was trying to sell them…sell them…” He screwed his eyes shut as if to blot out the visual.
Holy fuck.
“Hey, it’s okay, I’m here,” I said in a soothing voice, placing my hand on his thigh right above his knee, which from my recollection was not the injured one. He trembled at my touch, and I hoped that meant it brought him comfort. “What were their names?”
He smiled a little, as if thinking of a happier moment. “Smithy and Miller. Miller Time, we used to call him. And…Arash. His mom would make this bread that he would—”
His face crumbled then, so I tightened my grip on his muscle, which seemed to bring him out of it. He looked down at my hand, then up to my eyes.
“I… Sorry.” I removed my fingers. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“You didn’t.” He bit his lip, then shook his head. “Just the opposite, actually.”
My heart felt like it was throbbing from the tension, and when I felt his thigh press against mine again, it somehow grounded me too.
“I was an explosives specialist, you know?” he said after a long moment of quiet. “And I couldn’t save them.”
“But you were hurt too.” I glanced at his knee, then remembered the scars I saw on his chest when I’d barged into the bathroom.
“Yeah, from flying shrapnel.” He scratched absently at his shoulder, the same motion he made in the shower. “Pelted me all at once, and I went down.”
“Fuck, I’m so sorry.” My throat felt thick. I couldn’t imagine what any of that must’ve felt like—not only losing people you’d gotten close to, but also to almost lose your own life. “Can’t say I ever went through somethin’ as harrowing as that. Not many people can.”
“You’ve gone through your own share of stuff,” he said with a nudge from his elbow.
“Sure, with Ainsley’s cancer. But never like—”
“How about when you came out?” he asked suddenly.
My forehead wrinkled in confusion. “What about it?”
“Bet that was tough on you.”
There was a drawn-out silence as I gathered my thoughts. “Well, I was the bad guy in that situation. I broke up a family and could’ve ruined a business. It wasn’t fair to any of them.”
“Your sexuality shouldn’t be up for debate. It wasn’t like you chose to be gay, any more than I chose to be bisexual.”
I inhaled sharply through my nose. Well, I supposed that question was answered.
“It wasn’t a big deal when I told Mom after my dad died. And after I enlisted, it was never really brought up again.”
“Damn,” I said in wonder. “Simple as that?”
“Different circumstances. No coming-out story matches another, you know?” he said, and I nodded. “But I always wondered…”
He trailed off as he looked into my eyes, and I swore to Christ, had it been any other circumstance, I would’ve taken his mouth right then and there.
“Wondered what?” I asked in a hoarse voice.
“How you finally worked up the courage.”
“Fuck,” I whispered. “Well, I sort of had no choice. Sienna saw somethin’ on my laptop.” I glanced away sheepishly, but he didn’t seem at all surprised or disgusted. “But damn, she probably did me a favor. I honestly didn’t want to hide who I was anymore. It’s exhausting.”
“Yeah, I hear you.”
Julian sighed as he stared off into a copse of trees near the property line, and I got lost in my thoughts for a couple of minutes.
“You know, you’re pretty good at this talking thing,” he said. “Even though you’re on the quiet side, but I suspect that’s for a reason.”
Damn, how did he do that? How did he guess shit about me so well?
“Well, you’re pretty easy to talk to,” I replied with a nudge to his shoulder. And it was true. It was easier with him for whatever reason. Maybe because we didn’t have any sort of painful history with each other always getting in the way.