Total pages in book: 142
Estimated words: 131330 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 657(@200wpm)___ 525(@250wpm)___ 438(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131330 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 657(@200wpm)___ 525(@250wpm)___ 438(@300wpm)
I went to her apartment to try and make things better, but instead, I only reminded myself of why I’m not worthy of her love in the first place, not that I ever gave her a chance to offer it before.
I don’t let women get close enough to love me, and hell, I sure as fuck have never loved one in return. What’s the point? Not even my biological parents could love me. The woman who birthed me was supposed to love me without question, and she threw me away like I was nothing more than a rabid animal, and that shit left gaping scars—ones I’ve never been able to come to terms with—and because of that, I’ve learned that maybe some people simply aren’t capable of falling in love or even accepting it when it hits you right in the face.
That’s me. I’m broken.
Sure, I can fuck and show a woman a great time, but that’s all I’m capable of offering. The second I get even a hint that someone is starting to feel something for me, I call it quits. Hell, I’ve never even kissed a woman. It’s too fucking personal. Which is exactly why I have to keep Aspen at arm’s length.
She insisted that she couldn’t love me after what I did, and if she were anyone else, I’d believe her, but this is Aspen. She’s been there through everything, seen me at my worst and no amount of bullshit has ever deterred her. On the other hand, I’ve never hurt her like this before, never betrayed her trust or taken advantage of her.
Fuck, that makes me sound like such an asshole, but I guess that’s exactly what I am, and if I were to do this, all I’d be doing is proving it. I can’t say yes without crossing Austin, and I can’t say no without hurting her.
It’s an impossible choice. Take a bite out of the forbidden fruit and sink into a world full of wicked promises or walk away while knowing she’ll be giving everything she’s got to someone else. All her firsts will belong to another man, and all those things I desperately want to explore with her will be someone else’s discoveries.
Fuck, why does the idea of her with another man bother me so much?
I guess the question is, can I live with that? Can I face her while knowing some other man has been inside of her, that I’ve been inside of her but will never get that chance again?
If I’m completely honest with myself, I think I knew my answer the second she asked me to teach her, and I’ve been too fucking scared to admit how badly I want it, and too fucking ashamed at how quickly I’d stab Austin in the back for this.
What kind of friend does that make me?
Knowing I’ve dragged this on for long enough, I reach for my phone as something expands in my chest, and I hope like fuck it’s not regret.
Opening a new text, I work my fingers across the keyboard, and with every next letter that appears on the screen, I feel the sharp sting of the knife as I stab my best friend right in the back.
Izaac - If I agree to this, you can’t hold the dark room against me. This gives us a clean slate. I’ll teach you exactly what your body is capable of, and in return, you forgive me.
I feel fucking sick, but it’s not like the last few times I’ve texted her. Those were accompanied by the convenient excuse of being too drunk to think straight, but I don’t have the same excuse tonight. This is nothing but cold, hard betrayal, just like the second night at Vixen.
Fuck, I really am an asshole.
The read receipt appears under my text almost immediately, and within seconds, a new text appears.
Aspen - That’s all I’m asking for.
Izaac - It’s just sex. Nothing more.
Aspen - I know.
Izaac - And Austin?
Aspen - He’ll never know.
Fuck! What the hell am I doing? It’s not too late to back out. Only, I don’t want to.
Izaac - Be at Vixen on Sunday night. 10pm.
18
ASPEN
My hand tightens around the Vixen membership card that mysteriously showed up on my kitchen counter last night. It’s clear that Izaac put it there, but the question is, why wasn’t it slid under the door? How the hell did he get inside to put it on the counter? I know damn well I didn’t leave my door unlocked, which could only mean that giant asshole has a key to my apartment. I suppose now that I’ve given him complete access to my body, he must believe he has access to my home too.
That raging asshole.
Though that also means the day he sat at my door, he did so with patience. He could have used that key and stormed in at any time, but he waited until I was ready. Surely that’s got to mean something, right?