Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 82255 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82255 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
For once, he doesn’t have a rebuttal. Our eyes lock, and I realize I’m going to have to be the stronger person here. He’ll never admit his feelings for me, and I’m finally beginning to understand why. Beneath that iron heart with a lock I’ll never crack, there’s a motive, and I can’t believe I’m just now seeing it.
“You knew from the beginning this wouldn’t go anywhere,” I whisper. “You just wanted to teach me a lesson.”
He doesn’t deny it.
“Have you learned, Stella?” He cocks his head to the side. “Have you figured it out yet? Will you ever?”
“What exactly was it that you thought you were teaching me?” I ask. “That love is horrible and one-sided and worse than I ever thought it could be?”
“No,” he bites out. “It was never about love. It was about you learning to stand on your own. Figuring out your own goddamned path instead of trying to please everyone else. But you still don’t get it. Even in the face of constant cruelty, you will literally break your back trying to prove your loyalty to me. And for what? What have I ever done to deserve that?”
Silence settles between us, and his words crush me like quicksand. “Nothing,” I rasp. “You’ve done nothing to deserve it. But that doesn’t change how I feel. So don’t tell me I don’t know what love is. I’m not asking you to say it back. I know you won’t, and I’m far past accepting that. But don’t ever assume you know how I feel just because you don’t have a heart.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
STELLA
AS A WINTER STORM RAVAGES CONNECTICUT, the ice around my heart metastasizes too. It’s been nearly three weeks since my standoff with Sebastian, and I’m so miserable I feel like I’m dying every time I see him. Meanwhile, he continues to ignore me as if nothing ever happened.
“Don’t be so dramatic,” Sybil tells me.
“What?”
“That sigh.” She mimics as we leave our last class of the semester.
“Sorry,” I murmur. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“You’ve been in the funk of all funks,” she says. “I’m worried about you, babe.”
I assure her that she has no reason to be, but honestly, I’m not so certain of that myself. I’ve been so exhausted. Everything just feels unsettled, and despite the adage that things get better with time, I only feel worse with every passing day.
“I know this isn’t what you want to hear.” She loops her arm through mine as we walk across the quad. “But it’s probably for the best. At least for right now. With Louisa and your mother breathing down your necks, it was only a matter of time before you were discovered anyway.”
“I know,” I admit. “Logically, I get that. But I just… I miss him so much. It doesn’t even make sense. He acts like he’s fine, and—”
“Stella, he isn’t fine.” Sybil stops and stares at me as if I’ve sprouted another head. “Have you not noticed the dark circles beneath his eyes? Or the way he keeps staring at you in class when he thinks you won’t notice?”
“He does that?” Against my better judgment, my heart does a little flip.
“Yes, he does that. Regardless of whatever he told you, I think Mr. Carter does care for you. But he’s just fucked up, and you can’t fix that for him.”
“What do you think made him so bitter?” I ask.
“I don’t know.” She leads me into the cafeteria, where we proceed to get a snack and sit down at a quiet table. “What came up in your Google searches?”
“Nothing too much.” I shrug. “Just his biography. Things about soccer, Harvard, his family’s company. Run of the mill stuff.”
“Hmm…” She takes a dainty bite of her cookie and sets it back on the napkin in front of her. “It’s weird that he doesn’t play soccer anymore. There has to be a reason for it, especially if he was supposed to be drafted into the Major Leagues.”
“True.” I dunk my potato chip into a cup of ice cream, and Sybil cringes at the concoction in front of me.
“I don’t know how you can eat that.”
“I don’t know either.” I laugh. “But it sounded good.”
“So this is what you plan to do all winter break?” She stares at me incredulously. “Sit around eating crap like this when you could be picking up hot snowboarders in Aspen with me?”
“I need to figure out my plan for next semester,” I tell her, which is only partly true. While I haven’t stopped thinking about Sebastian’s words and trying to figure out what I really want to do with my life, I also don’t want to impose on Sybil’s family. She swears it wouldn’t be awkward with her dad even though he worked with mine and has been affected by the scandal, but the last thing I want is her family spending another dime on me. I don’t think I’ll ever be rid of the shadow my father cast over our family when he stole that money, and it’s important to me that nobody thinks I’m mooching off them too.