Total pages in book: 73
Estimated words: 72308 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 362(@200wpm)___ 289(@250wpm)___ 241(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 72308 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 362(@200wpm)___ 289(@250wpm)___ 241(@300wpm)
“Then what’s the point of saying it now?”
He gave a slight shake of his head. “I couldn’t let you think I didn’t love you. Couldn’t let you think that our time together meant nothing to me. Didn’t want you to think I’d just moved on without a second thought. I sleep alone every night and think of you.”
“If that’s true, why can’t we make this work?”
He looked down at the floor for a while. “It gets complicated the second kids are involved. Honestly, would you even want me around them? Camille was just kidnapped because of me. You know how I earn my money. What kind of mother would ever want an asshole like me near her children?” His eyes narrowed on my face, full of accusation.
“There’s a lot more to you than that…”
“An association with me is dangerous, Elise.”
“Then walk away. Leave it all behind.”
He released a deep breath, his nostrils flaring. “My life’s work?”
“It’s just work, Grave. I don’t know how much money you have, but I don’t think you need that either.”
“I don’t know shit about kids…”
“You think I do?” I asked with a painful laugh. “It’s the hardest job I’ve ever had. Every time they hit a new age, I have to head back to the drawing board and start over. You just do the best you can and love them along the way.”
He looked away again.
“Grave, I never asked you to be their stepfather. I never asked you for anything. I just wanted you to know how I feel about you…because I couldn’t keep it in any longer. We can be together in private, like we’ve been doing this entire time. Nothing needs to change. I just want to be able to say how I feel when I feel it.”
“But it does need to change.” He looked at me again. “Because I want to have this experience with someone and not step into the middle of it. I want it from the beginning. I want to be there when my child is born. I want to take care of them in the middle of the night when you’re too tired. I want someone to carry on my name when I’m gone. I can’t wait ten years to start that process, so there is no other option.”
“But we don’t need to do that right this second. Whenever you’re ready.”
“Like I already said, I don’t want to be a stepfather.”
“Then don’t be a stepfather,” I said. “You can be their friend. Nothing wrong with that.”
He held my gaze and took a deep breath.
“Even if I didn’t already have kids, you’d have to give up everything anyway. Because I’m not having your babies if you’re still living that life. They’d need to be safe, and your retirement is the only way to ensure that. Whether it’s with me or Camille…or someone else…you’d have to step away, regardless.”
He averted his gaze and remained quiet for a long time. “I don’t know how I got here. Last week, we were just having fun, and now…I have to make a decision.”
“The decision doesn’t need to be made now.”
“But it does.” His eyes lifted to me. “Because if we continue this relationship, it’s not the same. It’s not a man and his whore. It’s a man with his woman. And as your man, I need to protect not only you, but those you care about. That means…my life needs to change. I can’t risk someone taking you to hurt me…or taking someone else.”
I couldn’t even allow myself to think about it.
“So yes, the decision needs to be made, and it needs to be made today.”
“So…we’re either in this for the long haul…or we aren’t together at all?”
“Yes.”
I prayed it was the first one.
He moved for the door. “I’ll let you know.”
I watched him walk away, knowing I couldn’t interfere with his decision. I wouldn’t want him to be with me because I convinced him. I wanted him to be with me because that’s what he wanted. I wanted him to give up everything for me—because he wanted me that badly.
32
CAMILLE
Cauldron sat across from me in the restaurant, his shoulders broad in the blazer he wore. The waitress was a fine piece of ass, but he didn’t seem to notice because his eyes were glued to me the entire time.
With the exception of his phone.
It seemed to be vibrating in his pocket a lot because he glanced at it repeatedly but never responded to the person trying to talk to him.
“You can get that—”
“It’s fine.”
The waitress brought our entrees, and we ate in near silence. After being apart for so long, it seemed like we should have a lot to say, but there was nothing new to talk about. We already knew each other. Knew what we wanted out of life. We were stuck in this limbo because of me, when we could be in the dining room downstairs, his butler attending to our every whim.