Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 76749 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 384(@200wpm)___ 307(@250wpm)___ 256(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76749 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 384(@200wpm)___ 307(@250wpm)___ 256(@300wpm)
“I don’t know what to do,” I admitted to David.
“That’s okay. You don’t have to do anything right now. If you have questions about your diagnosis, I’ll answer them to the best of my ability. I have books I can give you so you can learn more about autism. But I want you to remember, Lars—you’re the same man who walked into my office that first day. This doesn’t change who you are.”
I shook my head. “I am not who I thought I was.”
David looked down at his clipboard. “I disagree. In our sessions, you’ve told me you’re quiet, hardworking, and devoted to the people you care about. Has that changed?”
After a moment of silence, I said, “No.”
“Do you remember how you told me you study film more than any of your other teammates? How you can remember small details and memorize statistics?”
“Yes.”
“That’s the kind of thing many high-functioning people on the spectrum also excel at.”
“Excel?”
“It means to be very good at it. Much better than average.”
“But I am disabled.”
David gave me an earnest look. “Look at it as being differently abled, Lars, and not disabled. Look at the life you’ve made for yourself. Most people who want to play professional sports never make it. But you did.”
I nodded, staring at my lap. “Autism is why I don’t know what to do for Sheridan sometimes.”
“Not necessarily. But if you read about autism, and learn how it affects you, you’ll be able to identify the things you struggle with and work on them. You can tell her what’s hard for you and why, and she can help you work through it.”
I rubbed my hands over my face, feeling unsure about everything. “This is like I am buried by a big pile of rocks. And I cannot get out.”
“It’s overwhelming.”
“Yes.”
“Let’s talk about something else,” David suggested.
I looked up at him, surprised. “Something else?”
“Yeah. How was your weekend?”
“It was…good. And then bad.”
He smiled. “Tell me the good part first.”
“I went Christmas shopping with Sheridan. I bought gifts for my family in Sweden. We went ice-skating at an outdoor rink.”
“That sounds like a nice way to spend time together.”
“Yes. I am happy when we’re together. There is no other…” I stopped, correcting myself. “There are no other thoughts or worries. I spend all our time just looking at her and laughing with her. Nash is my best friend, but Sheridan is also becoming my best friend.”
“What happened to make it bad?”
I scowled and said, “Hugh. Her ex.”
“You mean she brought up her ex while you were together?”
“No, he came to the mall and upset her. He was an asshole to her and I punched him in the face.”
“I see.”
“He deserved it.”
Another small smile came and went quickly as David said, “Even if he did, is it worth getting into trouble for?”
“Yes.”
“How did you feel after you punched him?”
I met David’s gaze. “Like I wanted to punch him again.”
He nodded. “And how do you feel about it now?”
“Like I want to punch him again.”
“So no regrets?”
“No. This is how we do it in hockey. If you hurt someone on purpose, you will get hurt back. He hurt her on purpose. I think it’s not right for her to have to be hurt again and again, and no one ever stands up for her. No one ever stops it. I stopped it.”
“Did she appreciate it?”
I scoffed. “No. She is mad at me. She did not return my calls or texts yesterday.”
“Why is she mad?”
“She said I created more trouble for both of us by hitting Hugh.”
Her expression after I punched Hugh flashed through my mind for the thousandth time since Sunday. Instead of appreciating that I’d stood up for her, she’d been angry. She’d cried on the way home and ended our day together, and I’d been confused as hell.
“You disagree, I assume.”
I shifted in my chair, aggravated. “Yes. I will not let anyone treat her that way. He spit on her. He is a bully. I cannot stand bullies.”
“Can she get a restraining order against him?” David asked.
“She said her attorney is working on things.”
“Maybe she just needs some time to cool down.”
I grunted in disagreement. “There is nothing for her to be angry about.”
“But she is.”
“Is it hard for me to understand her because of autism?”
David smiled. “No, Lars. Countless men have made their wives or girlfriends angry and had no idea why. The important thing, when she’s ready, is for you to listen to her and not tell her she has no right to feel the way she does.”
“So I should lie?”
“It’s not really lying. She gets to feel how she feels and you get to feel how you feel.”
I sighed heavily. “I have to decide if I am going to tell her I have autism.”
“What concerns do you have about telling her?”
“I don’t know.” I shook my head. “I am still under all the heavy rocks.”