Total pages in book: 71
Estimated words: 66022 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 330(@200wpm)___ 264(@250wpm)___ 220(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66022 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 330(@200wpm)___ 264(@250wpm)___ 220(@300wpm)
“She said I needed to be more understanding. She said I was a—a bigot. She said I had a lot of nerve treating my own father like that, when I was the one who had invaded your privacy.”
“Did she?” Was Eric expecting him to disagree with Lisa?
“Yeah.” Eric fell into a chair at the kitchen table. “Jason told me the same thing, but that doesn’t count because he’s a— I mean he’s also…”
Jack glanced over at his son, almost feeling sorry for him. Why did he have to make things so difficult for everyone?
Eric hit the table with his fist, making the salt and pepper shaker resting on a woven mat at its center bounce. “Damn it, Dad. People don’t just suddenly become gay. Jason told me he’s always known he was—he just never found the right person before. He said he wasn’t sure how you and Mom would react so he just kind of kept it to himself. But he knew. So what about you, Dad? How long have you been carrying this sick little secret around—two years, five years, twenty years?”
Jack suddenly understood, and as a result he was able to let go of the rising anger Eric’s words had aroused in him. He slid into a chair opposite Eric. “You must really miss Mom. The two of you were especially close.”
Eric’s clenched fist loosened and he dropped his head to his chest. “Yeah.” His voice cracked. “I do.”
Jack reached across the table, gently squeezing Eric’s arm, any lingering anger completely given over to compassion. “I didn’t plan this, Eric. Of course I would have rather told you and Jason in my own time, on my own terms. I’m still just coming to grips with my feelings myself. It’s all very new to me.
“One thing I want you to understand in no uncertain terms. What I feel for Will in no way diminishes what your mother and I shared, or the love I had for her and always will. Nor, though I think you know this, does it affect my love for you and Jason.
“You ask me how long I’ve known. It wasn’t something I kept hidden from the world. Or maybe, to put it more accurately, it was something I kept hidden from myself. Maybe on some level I did know, but I was too shut down, I guess, to handle it.
“Before I married your mom, I had a best friend. His name was Luke. Something happened between us. Something—sexual. It was fumbling and unplanned and frankly it scared me to death. I rejected him—and the feelings the interaction raised in me. We had a falling out. I put it behind me. I got married so young, I never had a chance to really work those feelings through. I guess they lay dormant in me until I met Will.”
“Will,” Eric said, a sneer in his voice.
“Eric, you need to stop that. You aren’t a child. I wouldn’t denigrate or put down someone you were with, no matter who you chose.” Forcing himself to remain calm, again he touched his son’s arm.
“Eric, I love you. I’ll always love you. But the fact is, my life is changing, in ways I never imagined. I’m not going to hide it or shut it off to please you. I’m happy, Eric. My life has meaning. In some ways I’m happier than I’ve ever been. It’s like a part of myself has been kept hidden, even from me, until now. I feel it unfolding, full of potential.
“And yes, if you want to know, it’s scary as hell sometimes. It’s scary to be in a relationship where you really care. Where the other person can make or destroy you with a single smile or by turning away.”
“I know,” Eric said, his eyes suddenly bright with unshed tears. “I love her, Dad. I love her but I do everything wrong. I’m too possessive, she says. I suffocate her. If she only knew how much I love her, she wouldn’t feel that way. Now this, it’s just one more nail in my coffin. She says I’m a bigot. I don’t mean to be. It was just such a shock. You know, to see your own father like that…”
“I know, Eric. I would have felt strange walking in on you and Lisa.”
“It’s not the same.”
“It’s not all that different. Walking in on anyone in the middle of an intimate moment—”
“Yeah, but—”
“Yeah, nothing. I think you’re more freaked out because I’m your father than anything. I know I never thought of my parents as sexual beings until I was married myself. Maybe it’s part of growing up to realize they are, whoever their choice of a partner.”
Eric seemed to ponder this. “I think I understand. I want to understand. That’s why I wanted to come over again. To tell you I’m working on it. I love you, Dad. It may take me some time to get really comfortable with all this, but I’m willing to give it a try.”