Total pages in book: 133
Estimated words: 134598 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 673(@200wpm)___ 538(@250wpm)___ 449(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 134598 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 673(@200wpm)___ 538(@250wpm)___ 449(@300wpm)
“I don’t think so. It’s not that easy for me to relax. I mean, I can relax when I’m reading. But that’s it. I do like to relax in here with my blanket, Lady, and sometimes I . . .”
“Sometimes you what?”
“I’m not sure I should tell you all of this.”
“Cone of silence,” he said.
“W-what?” she asked, sounding confused.
“Not a Get Smart fan, huh?” he asked.
“Is that a popular culture reference?”
“Wait. You’ve never heard of Get Smart?”
“Um, no. I don’t watch a lot of television. I’m sorry.”
“It’s nothing you need to apologize for,” he replied firmly. He hated how she seemed to automatically assume that she’d done something wrong. That she had to apologize. “Just like you didn’t have to apologize before. In Get Smart, they have a cone of silence. It’s about this inept secret agent. Anyway, the cone comes down to stop their conversations from being heard.”
“Oh. Right.”
“I’ll have to figure out how to get some episodes of the show so you can watch it with me. What I’m trying to say is that we can treat this closet like a cone of silence. Whatever you say to me in here stays between the two of us.”
“I like that idea.”
So did he.
Ethan knew that he shouldn’t be holding her like this.
And yet there was no way he could tear himself away.
You’ve made a mess out of all of this. Explain it to her.
“What just happened, baby? Can you tell me?” he asked.
“I was upset.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s awful not knowing what happened. I wake up and I have no idea that anything has gone on. Sometimes, I come back into myself directly after and Rhodes tells me what has happened. Other times, I wake up and then I learn that I had a night terror. I stopped . . . I stopped doing this for ages, but then there was the break-in. I’m not sure why I had a night terror last night. Or why I regress afterward.”
“Maybe you regress because you feel safer in that headspace. Perhaps because it was a good time in your life.”
“Back before my parents died,” she whispered. “My therapist thought that too. She thought . . .”
“She thought what?” he prompted.
“Nothing.”
Ethan wanted to push her. But he knew that he risked her pulling back, so he held his tongue.
“I understand why you’re upset. Not remembering must be awful. But there is nothing for you to worry about. All you did was scream. Rhodes said you have night terrors. And when you woke up, you wanted Lady and ice cream. I helped you get ice cream, maybe lectured you a bit on not eating dinner, and then you went back to bed to eat your ice cream while we waited for Rhodes. The only thing that’s possibly slightly inappropriate is that I was only wearing boxers.”
“Oh. You were wearing just boxers?”
Was that a slight note of wistfulness in her voice? Or was he imagining that?
“Yeah.” Shit. If he was going to be fully honest. “The fact that I was half-undressed spurred you on to try to remove your clothes.”
She tensed again. Fuck. Shit.
“But you didn’t!” he said quickly. “You didn’t take anything off. I didn’t see anything.”
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “That’s mortifying. I wouldn’t normally do that.”
“Sweetheart, I know that.” Part of him kind of wished she would . . . No! What was he thinking?
He would never risk someone else seeing her like that.
And they didn’t have that sort of relationship, so it wasn’t right for him to see her like that either.
At least, not yet.
“I feel so embarrassed and so . . . so stupid.”
“Hey, stop. You do not speak about yourself that way, understand me?” He drew her back so he could stare down at her. “I won’t accept you calling yourself stupid.”
“But I am.”
“Cate, you are a smart, educated, gorgeous woman. Not stupid.”
Her hand rose to her wrist.
“None of that,” he said warningly, taking hold of her hand. Was she trying to flick herself with her hair tie again?
Was that something she did regularly?
That didn’t sit well with him, and he’d have to keep an extra eye on her.
She’s not your sub.
But she was still his charge. And she had a fragility to her that called to him. An inner strength that intrigued him.
It was hard to explain—like the woman herself.
Complicated.
“If it happens again while I’m here are you all right with me taking care of you?” he asked.
She was silent for a long time.
“Would you rather I walk away? Was there anything you don’t want me to do?”
“I don’t want you to walk away,” she finally said. “But why would you want . . .”
Ahh. He understood now.
“I told you that I like taking care of people. But especially Littles. It fulfils something inside me. It’s hard to describe, but it’s like there is this bottomless pit in my stomach that only ever feels full when I’m taking care of someone else.”