Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
His words tangled around my heart, were a knife slicing through the guilt I already felt, while also filling me up in the best kind of way. I didn’t expect that, didn’t think Griff would want me to fuck him. “Are you sure? It would feel good having this thick rod inside me.” I thrust up against him.
“Do you usually…”
“Top? Yeah, but I bottom too, and it feels good. I’d love to bottom for you.” Griffin’s eyes darted away, so I said, “Hey, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about here. Not with me. Not ever, but especially not with me.”
“I’m curious,” he admitted. “If I don’t like it, I can always top you.” He said top like it was unfamiliar on his tongue. This wasn’t a conversation Griff had ever had to have with a lover.
I wanted him. I wanted him so damn bad, I was vibrating out of my skin with need, but I couldn’t do this, couldn’t go any further until I told Griffin the truth. “Yeah, okay. Okay, I—fuck, I need to sit up for a second.”
Griff frowned, but he moved off me, and I sat up, legs over the side of the bed. My dick was already going soft as my thoughts spun out of control.
He moved over and sat beside me. “What’s going on? Did I say something wrong?”
“No. Hell no. I just—Doug.”
Griffin tensed. “You have sex all the time, and now suddenly you can’t have sex with me because of him?” There was a sharp bitterness to Griffin’s voice I’d never heard before.
“No, that’s not what I—”
“Shit. I’m sorry. I had no right to say that. You loved him, and from the way it sounds, you still love him.”
“It’s not that simple, sweetheart.”
“Why not?”
“I loved Doug. I still love Doug, but… I just… Christ.” I rubbed a hand over my face. “This is so fucking hard.” Why was it still so damn hard? “I don’t know how to move on from him, don’t know that I deserve to.”
Griffin sucked in a sharp breath, his eyes piercing me, holding me, all compassion and confusion. “It’s not your fault that he died.”
Griffin reached for me, but I pulled back. He frowned, uncertain and maybe a little hurt, making the words spill from my mouth. “He’s not dead. I know I let it sound like he was, but he’s not, and I’m so damn sorry I didn’t tell you. I was a coward to let you believe that, but—”
“What do you mean he’s not dead?” he said, scooting away from me.
I closed my eyes. This was so fucked up. In all the years since Doug’s accident, I had never shared the story of exactly what happened. Not with anyone other than my grandma.
“Hey, you’re shaking.” The warmth of Griffin’s embrace wrapped around me. He was hurt and upset, he had to be, but the moment I needed him, he put all that aside to be there for me. It was so typical Griffin that I broke down. Tears streamed down my face, and he pulled me closer, murmuring, “Shh,” and “It’s okay,” against my head, into my ear, over and over.
“I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m so sorry I let you down.” I’d failed Doug all those years ago, and now I felt like I was doing the same to Griff.
Griffin, who had the biggest heart of anyone I’d ever known. Griffin, who took care of everyone around him before himself. Griffin, who I’d promised to take care of and put first.
“No, you didn’t let me down, baby. I’m confused and a little unsure, but you didn’t let me down.”
I pulled back enough that I could look at him. Griff held the sides of my face, stroked his fingers across my skin, through my hair, wiping the tears away, and goddamn, he was incredible. I wanted to deserve him. I wanted to let myself love him. “You called me baby.”
“I did. That was new, huh?”
I smiled sadly. “Yeah.” He was changing me, opening me up, pushing the bravado aside, setting free the other parts of me.
“I’m sure you’re going to gloat plenty about that later, telling me how awesome you are, but right now, I really need you to tell me about Doug. My mind is playing all sorts of games on me.”
I nodded. He was right. I needed to. “I, um, everything I told you about him—about us—is true. He came out of the accident with a traumatic brain injury. He had to have surgery. They didn’t know if he would wake up or not, and…and he didn’t.”
“Christ,” Griff whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
“Me too.” I took a deep breath and continued. “It’s like a coma…a vegetative state. At first we hoped he would come out of it. I couldn’t move on until I knew. Didn’t leave for college. Nothing. I stayed and visited and hoped, the whole time trying to hide who Doug really was to me. Eventually we realized he wasn’t going to wake up. It’s like, I know that, deep down I do, but I can’t help wondering. His mom, she can’t let go. It came between her and Doug’s dad. They fight all the time. She keeps holding on, though. I guess that’s what you do when you love someone.”