Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83908 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83908 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
“I think partly because of my biological dad. I couldn’t help feeling unwanted or like something was wrong with me because he chose not to be in my life. Even with Mace around, and as much as I love him, there was always the truth that the man whose blood is in my veins decided I’m not good enough.”
“That’s not true!” I rush out. “You’re incredible.”
He turns his head slightly. “Thanks. I know that now. Then? Not so much. When I started playing hockey, I put all my extra energy into that. I didn’t do a lot of things just for fun because my parents were working so hard to make my dream come true. I didn’t want to let them down. And I didn’t always allow myself to connect to the guys on my youth teams because I was afraid money would get in the way and hockey would be taken from me.”
I trace the bruises on his torso, listening to him, feeling him open up for me.
“Then, as I got older and started to realize I was queer…well, I worried that would get in my way too.”
“But then you decided you would be true to who you are no matter what. That was brave, especially in the sports world.” And very much on brand with who Rylan is.
“Or maybe I was just horny and wanted to be able to fuck guys without worrying about it,” he teases, grabbing me and pulling me on top of him.
“Oh my God. Stop!” But really, I’m not putting up a fight. Being pressed up against a hot body? I’m not a fool.
“Wanna go into the water with me?”
I nod. “But not deep.” Drowning isn’t on my to-do list. Ever.
“Okay.”
He gives me another of those quick pecks that feel much more intimate than they should, then rolls me off him and stands in one swift movement. Rylan holds his hand out for me, and I let him tug me to my feet.
He keeps hold of my hand as he leads me toward the ocean. There are a few people down the beach from us, but no one close enough that I’ve felt we didn’t have the privacy I’d like with him.
Once we’re in the water, Rylan wraps his arms around me. I do the same with him, clinging to him.
“Hey, are you really scared? Do you want to get out?”
“I have a fear of drowning, but I don’t want to get out. This is…nice.” I have a feeling I’m going to regret today, that all these truths I’m letting out will begin to stress me out, but I can’t help it.
“Yeah. It is.”
I lean my head on his shoulder as we bob in the water. Rylan doesn’t loosen his grip on me the whole time, his muscular arms like a vise around my torso.
“Only a little over a month left in the regular season,” he says.
Why is he reminding me that this is almost over? Because he wants to make sure I don’t feel like today means more than it does? “Yep. And then I can go show off all the things you taught me.”
His body stiffens, but I figure I must be imagining it. “I’m not sure I taught you anything. There’s always been a sex monster beneath the surface. I just helped you set him free.”
“Strength I never would have had, never would have seen it, without your help. It won’t be the same with someone else.” Holy shit. What the fuck did I just admit? What the fuck do I feel? Mayday, mayday, mayday! This is very, very bad.
Rylan groans, deeply, and he seems…frustrated?
My insides tighten. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that I want more than friends with benefits with you. I don’t. Like at all.” I, in fact, think I do, and it didn’t hit me until this second, but I’m backpedaling because I already messed up the other night somehow. We didn’t have video sex, and now I’m making it sound like I want to marry him. Plus, as much as I like Rylan, I’m so damn afraid of getting hurt again, of being made a fool of.
A small wave hits us, and I feel like it might have hidden a face Rylan made, but suddenly he’s leading us back to the shore. “You’re killing me here, baby. I can’t figure out which way is up.”
That makes two of us. Why is he upset? “Where are we going?” I ask.
“Home.”
“You’re sending me away?”
He blanches. “What? No. My home.” His face softens, his strong jaw relaxing. His scruff is a little longer than usual, and I want to feel it against my skin. “I think I’ve been an idiot. I’ve been seeing this all wrong.”
“Maybe you can let me in on what you’re talking about.” The water pushes at us again.