Total pages in book: 181
Estimated words: 177690 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 888(@200wpm)___ 711(@250wpm)___ 592(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 177690 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 888(@200wpm)___ 711(@250wpm)___ 592(@300wpm)
Finally, the bile I’ve been holding back, won’t be denied. I find the nearest trash can and I vomit, as the realization of what I’ve done and how bad this is starts to seep in.
“What is it with this family and women throwing up on their wedding days?” Aunt Ida Sue whispers, holding my hair out of the way.
I can’t answer, I’m too busy emptying my stomach. When I’m done I can do nothing but collapse against her.
And cry.
fifty-one
hope
1 month later
“Baby girl you’re going to have to snap yourself out of this,” my aunt chastises me, much as she does every day.
“He hates me, Aunt Ida,” I whisper, the words doing what they do every time I think them or say them. Makes me sick.
“He doesn’t.”
“I’d say he does, and he has a reason to,” this comes from Daria. I look over at her. Our friendship has been strained for a while. I know she was upset at me for not telling Aden the truth, but since the mess at the courthouse it’s been worse. Mostly because of me, and my reaction to her—which has somehow fed her anger. I haven’t had it out with her, because my heart hurts so much, I just can’t.
“If you hate me so much, just go Daria. I don’t need more stress right now.”
“That’s the problem, Hope. This isn’t about you. All you are seeing is your pain and hurt. What about what you’ve done to Aden and his life?”
“You don’t think I’m sick about that?”
“I think you’re so caught up in your pity party that it doesn’t even occur to you that you aren’t the wronged party here.”
“It’s not a pity party! Has it ever occurred to you that I’m so upset because I have lost the love of my life?”
“There you go again. Do you see, Hope? It’s all about you! What about the pain that Aden is going through? Or the fact that Jack keeps crying for him constantly.”
“All of that haunts me!” I scream. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. I didn’t plan it. I was scared and then…”
“Then what?”
“I loved him! Okay! I know it was wrong, but I knew I was going to lose him and I just wanted more time!”
“But you—”
“I’m a selfish bitch! I know it! What you don’t get Daria is that when you love someone the thought of losing them takes away all rationality! All I could see was that I needed Aden and not just for me, but for him. He was miserable when we met, so miserable that he didn’t know how to function around me, Jack or anyone. He was happy and when I could make him laugh or smile, it felt like I could do anything. I wanted to give him everything. I wanted him to need me as much as I needed him… not because I’m selfish, or maybe because I was. Maybe that’s what love really is at its core—selfish. Because you want that person tied to you forever, you want to be everything to that person, because they’re everything to you! So maybe you’re right, I was selfish. I don’t know. What I do know is that this isn’t your business!”
“That! That right there! You see? You’ve shut me out. You want me to understand? Then why haven’t you talked to me? You’ve taken your anger and hurt out on me since the day Aden left!”
“Why wouldn’t I? You knew what Aden was going to do. You let him do it. You took my son to the courthouse. What did you think was going to happen?”
“I thought you’d finally get your head out of your ass and tell Aden the truth.”
“Exactly, but you let me walk blindly into that situation and you let my son be in a situation where he was hurt emotionally. You’re supposed to be my friend—my best friend and you helped bring the world down on me and my child!”
“I had too! I’ve been lied to! You don’t do that to someone! You don’t lie to them and make them think they have this wonderful life and then rip it away,” she cries and that’s when I realize what’s going on. Daria had been married. Daria had a good life with a man who she thought loved her, who worked long hours—she thought—so she could live the good life. Then one day she found out the guy didn’t work as hard as she believed. Instead he had another woman and a child two counties over and he was playing house there, while she thought he was on the road working. She had been played a fool and she didn’t like that I was lying to Aden—in that she really didn’t like it. My friend set me up for a fall, because I deserved it, and she knew and felt I deserved it. Which was fine. I’m a big girl. What is not fine, however, is that she did so at the expense of my son.