Total pages in book: 160
Estimated words: 158635 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 793(@200wpm)___ 635(@250wpm)___ 529(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 158635 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 793(@200wpm)___ 635(@250wpm)___ 529(@300wpm)
“Did you look at it from all angles before you came to that conclusion?”
“That footage.” He points at the screen. “That was during the initiation that she took part in just to spy for him. And he happens to be the leader of a rival group. How do I know she hasn’t been a spy for him ever since?”
“I don’t think she’s capable of that.”
“I didn’t think so either, Dad, but the quiet ones are the most conniving, after all.”
“She volunteers and believes in everything righteous. Not to mention that she acts like a mother figure in Annika’s little group. A person like that is physically unable to commit any harm unless backed into a corner. Did you back her into a corner?”
He shakes his head.
“Then how can you be so sure of your allegations?”
“She told me herself that she spied for him. All this time, she was stabbing me in the back while asking for my trust.”
“Did that confession happen under duress?”
“No.”
“Then that should be a good sign.”
“Or an attempt to deceive me further.”
“Jeremy.” I grab him by the shoulder, forcing the chair to swivel so that he’s facing me. “Son. You and I have a pesky problem called lack of trust. We always think people are either out to get us or will eventually do so, and while that’s a good trait to survive and rule the Bratva, it’s bothersome in our personal lives. A long time ago, I didn’t trust your mother either, and as a response, she pulled away from me until I almost lost her. So if this Cecily means to you even a sliver of what your mother means to me, don’t repeat my mistake.”
“How can I trust her when I know that she has another man in her heart? No matter what I do, I’ll always be her second choice.”
The pain that drips from his voice does unpleasant things to me. Jeremy isn’t only my son, my blood, and my pride. He’s a part of me. He’s the chance I had to prove that I’m nothing like my father. So to see him in this much anguish makes me wish I could slaughter his demons for him.
But I can’t and I won’t.
“I don’t have the answer to that. You do. Any external intervention will only provide a temporary reprieve. If you don’t look inward, you won’t be able to loosen the knot.”
He slides his hand through his hair. “I don’t want to lose her, but right now, I can’t trust her either.”
“Then take your time. Not too much, though, or else she might slip between your fingers. Unless that’s what you want?”
“That’s not what I want.” He slides his hand over the comic book. “At first, she reminded me of Mom. She had these moments when she’d grow lethargic and escape into her mind, eventually turning into a ghost. I couldn’t help Mom when she was in that state, but I wanted to help Cecily. Now that I think about it, that was the first time I’ve taken so much interest in someone who isn’t family. I just wanted to make it better and own her at the same time. That plan backfired, but I was still able to take care of the reason for those blackouts. With time, it became so much more. I thought I was saving her, but it turns out, she was saving me from my own unresolved issues.”
I listen to every word carefully, watch every expression and every glide of his fingers on the comic book.
Despite becoming the perfect, responsible adult, I’m not foolish enough to think Jeremy has erased everything that happened while he was growing up. He wasn’t young enough to be able to forget all about his ‘Ghost Mommy.’
And I know that memories of that version of his mother were still fresh in his head when he was seven, eight, and nine, because he sometimes asked me if ‘Ghost Mommy’ was ever coming back.
However, he hasn’t mentioned it since Lia found balance again, and this is actually the first time he’s voluntarily spoken about it. “Saved you how?” I ask in a low voice to keep him talking.
“Growing up, I resented Mom a little for erasing you and me. For not recognizing us for days on end. For being so out of it that I often found her spasming in her sleep. For looking at us yet not seeing us.”
“Jeremy. Your mother has mental issues…”
“I know, but I still hated her sometimes. You didn’t?”
“I wanted to shake the fuck out of her, and she hates me sometimes, too, but that’s normal. We can’t be full of love and understanding all our lives.”
“Cecily told me that. She also told me not to blame Mom, because if she’d had the choice, she wouldn’t have become a ghost. And she loved us enough to fight her demons and return to us.”