Total pages in book: 154
Estimated words: 153544 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 768(@200wpm)___ 614(@250wpm)___ 512(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 153544 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 768(@200wpm)___ 614(@250wpm)___ 512(@300wpm)
Reina cries silently and Gareth holds her shoulder, hugging her to his side.
Killian narrows his eyes, but the stiffness has vanished. “You apologized twice.”
“So?”
“You’ve never apologized before. Not to anyone.”
“I did to your mother once, and I’m doing it again to my son. My family members are the only ones I’ll apologize to when an apology is due. And, Kill?”
“Yeah?”
“You and Gareth aren’t different in my eyes, not even a little. I’m only harsher with you because your character is harsher.”
He shrugs. “Gareth can be a pain in the ass, too. You just don’t see it.”
“Hey!” my eldest son protests.
Reina smiles with tears in her eyes and rubs his chest. “I want a family hug.”
And then she pulls us all in a hug, because she can be sentimental like that. All three of us would rather not do this, but if there’s anything we agree on, it’s our care for this woman.
She can make me and our boys burn a whole town for her by just saying the words.
Then she hugs Kill individually, basically strangling him, considering his expression, then whispers something in his ear.
For the first time ever, his features soften and he looks like that six-year-old boy who used to sit on a swing and stare into space like an old man.
“What are you looking at, Kill?” I asked him once.
He sighed with the exasperation of a person who’s seen it all. “How boring everything is. How do I make it less boring, Dad?”
I should’ve known by then that we had a special kid on our hands. Someone who didn’t need the world, or even us.
There’s no doubt in my mind that if he was on his own, he’d live just fine, maybe even be freer than he is right now. He wouldn’t have to worry about hiding his true self or repressing his urges for my and his mother’s sake.
He’d be a true monster and would probably get away with it for a while before he eventually got locked up.
But we need him in our lives, cold-bloodedness and manipulativeness included.
Yes, he can be a monster, but he usually chooses not to at home. It’s a mature choice he made a long time ago after the fights stopped, and one he’ll continue to make.
But even if he doesn’t, we’ll deal with it when it comes.
One thing’s for certain, Killian will always be my son.
I’ll never forget the tears in Reina’s eyes when she held him in her arms for the first time. “Look at him, our baby is so beautiful, Ash.”
“He is.”
“He would’ve been more beautiful if he was a girl, but oh well, we can always try again.” She kissed his forehead. “I love you to bits, baby.”
“Can he play football with me, Daddy?” Gareth asked me while he craned his neck to see his brother.
“Sure thing. We can teach him.”
“Yes!” He kissed his brother on the cheek. “I’m gonna teach you all the things.”
That moment seems like it happened yesterday. I think the reason it’s coming back to me now is because this scene is creepily similar to it.
It’s been such a long time since the four of us have felt like a connected family. Killian always, without doubt, ruined it.
He was acting out, I now realize, demanding the attention he thought he was due.
At this moment, he doesn’t seem like he feels the need to.
“Now”—Reina pulls back—“did you say Glyn left?”
Seeming to have recalled the reason he’s been behaving like a beast in the middle of the night, Killian clenches his jaw and nods.
“It wasn’t me,” Gareth says, softer this time. “If I’d wanted to do that, I would’ve done it back at campus, not here.”
My wife strokes Killian’s arm. “Was she mad at you?”
“Very.”
“If you apologize, she might listen.”
“I don’t think an apology would cut it. She…” He trails off, then lowers his head. “She looked both scared and disgusted with me. She’s never looked at me that way before and I don’t know how to fix it.”
“First things first, don’t be yourself. It’d do more harm than good,” Gareth tells him and Killian flips him off.
“On the contrary,” I say. “Be yourself. If she can’t deal with you at your worst, then you’ll eventually suffocate her and she’ll hate you. And you’ll probably hate her, too, and it’ll turn into a vicious cycle.”
“If you truly care about her, then pursue her, Kill,” Reina supplies.
“You think?”
“I’m sure. How do you think your father got me? He just refused to leave me alone and I had to settle.” She sighs, eyes filled with glimmering emotions. “It helped that I’d loved him since I was a teen, though.”
I’ve been married to this woman for over twenty-five years, and she still makes me fall for her harder every day.
Every single moment.
She’s not the reason behind my happiness—she’s the definition of the word.