Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 78387 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 314(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78387 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 314(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
After we pull into my grandpa’s driveway, I lean forward and look out the window. I expect to see him on the porch, rocking in the swing, but it doesn’t even look like he’s home.
“Uncle Liam,” I say after we both get out of the car. “I want to thank you and Mack for helping my grandpa. I know he’s not your responsibility. I’ve tried to convince him to move to California. If you want, we can hire people to take care of things. I already changed the housekeeper to be here every day while we’re here.”
Liam puts his hands on my shoulders. “Elle, you never ever have to thank me for taking care of Michael. He’s like a father to me. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for him.”
I nod my thanks and then wrap my arms around his waist. After I release him, he rushes over to the passenger side and makes sure Ben has an easy time getting out of the car. Josie leads the way up the walkway and the stairs and waits for us to join her before opening the door. She holds the screen while I go in.
“Well, it’s about time you got here,” Peyton says as she walks toward us with Oliver on her hip.
“What are you guys doing here?” I take the baby from her and give him kisses. Peyton doesn’t answer me as she goes to Ben and gives him a hug.
“Ben?” I get his attention and then look at Oliver. “This is Oliver.” Ben comes forward and waves. “Oliver, this is your Uncle Ben. Can you say Ben?” Oliver squeals.
“He’s a happy baby,” Ben says.
“Very happy.”
“Is Mom here?” I ask Peyton.
“Yep, but she’s at the store. Noah’s with Mack and Betty Paige. We didn’t want to overwhelm Ben.”
“Where’s Grandpa?
“With Mom.”
“Do you think you could hang with Ben for a bit? He’s good on meds and all that. He doesn’t need any help or anything. He just needs to rest.”
“Where are you going?”
“I need to go visit our father and I want to do it now before everyone gets here.”
Peyton nods and takes Oliver from me. I tell Ben where I’m going and how long I’ll be. He settles himself on the couch and Liam sits down next to him. They start talking about baseball and I know that’s my cue to duck out. Peyton gives me the keys to her car, and I drive a bit faster than I should to the cemetery. I haven’t been here in so long, the guilt weighs heavily on me.
It's weird, knowing exactly where my father is buried. I don’t know when I memorized the route to this gravesite, but at some point, driving to it became natural. I hate that feeling. None of this should ever be natural. But then again, if it wasn’t, we wouldn’t have Harrison, and I can’t imagine our lives without him.
I sit down and stare at the tombstone. The lettering—it’s faded or worn. I’m not sure how to describe what it looks like, except to say it’s old. Old because my father has been gone for over twenty years, and the only memories I have of him are the stories I’ve been told over the years. When I close my eyes, I can’t remember what he looks like or what it felt like when he would hold me. I can’t see his smile or hear his laugh. I don’t know why I’m here, other than I know I need to be.
I run my fingers over his name. The tombstone is rough. No longer the smooth feel it had when I was younger. I wonder if this is something Peyton and I need to take care of, if the stone needs to be polished or something.
“Hey, Dad,” I say to the air. “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to visit. Life’s been crazy since the last time I was here, but I guess you already know that. My Ben’s sick, Dad, and I’m scared. I know I have to trust science, but sometimes science fails, and I’m just so scared it’s going to fail. Thinking this way is so unlike me. I always tell people to put a positive spin on things, but I’m having trouble following my own advice.”
A family arrives and makes their way toward their loved one’s resting place. I watch them for a minute before turning my attention back to my dad. “Dad, you have to promise me, if you meet Ben, take care of him. I love him more than anything and as much as I’d love for you to know each other, I’m not ready. But in case it’s his time, please look after him and love him because he deserves it.” I spend a few more minutes sitting by my father’s grave, contemplating the two paths I have in front of me. One with Ben, and one without. I know in my heart my father, wherever he may be, will take Ben under his wing if it turns out the path I fear most is the one that wins out, but I also hope and pray it won’t happen for a long time yet.