Total pages in book: 132
Estimated words: 128742 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 644(@200wpm)___ 515(@250wpm)___ 429(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 128742 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 644(@200wpm)___ 515(@250wpm)___ 429(@300wpm)
Our final moments, our regrets. I imagine what my thoughts would be if they were the last I’d ever have. What I’d want to leave behind. Whose hand I’d want reaching out for mine.
Then I exhale. And I know what I need to do.
But first, I have to pack.
52
IT’S QUITE LATE WHEN THE BLACK CAB PULLS UP TO THE AIRPORT terminal drop-off. I’ve nearly drawn blood from the imprints of my nails in my palms during the ride here. The moment the car comes to a stop, I jump out with my suitcase and dart through the automatic sliding glass doors.
Before I left the house, I texted to say I had something important to tell him.
He agreed to wait for me.
Now, every minute that’s passed feels like an infinite opportunity for him to change his mind.
Overhead signs point the way toward the security checkpoint as I jog the waxed concourse, navigating an obstacle course of small children and stalled tourists. Black-suited businessmen and women swinging oversize purses. I’m surprised by the number of energetic travelers I encounter at this hour.
A voice in my head taunts my every hurried step. What if he doesn’t want me to come with him anymore? What if he decided I wasn’t worth the effort? Concluded that he can do way better than some nerdy American with a smart mouth?
But I tamp that shit down. I remind myself that if it’s real, it doesn’t matter how we got here. Only that we did.
As I approach security, I scan the crowd for his face. With every second that ticks by, the claw of fear and anxiety tightens its grip around my throat.
Until I spot him by the planter.
Jack’s eyes lock with mine, and a guarded smile spreads across his lips.
As I approach, he takes note of the rolling suitcase in my hand.
“Off somewhere?” he asks lightly.
With a trembling hand, I pull the paper with my printed boarding pass out of my back pocket.
“It’s a nonrefundable ticket,” I tell him.
His crystal-blue eyes twinkle. “That’s a major commitment.”
I manage a tiny hopeful half smile. “If the invitation stands, I’d like to come to Sydney with you and meet your mom.”
“What changed your mind?” He pauses, a groove appearing in his forehead. He’s clearly reluctant to go on, but finally he asks, “And what about Nate?”
“I know it took a lot longer than was probably fair, but I figured out what I want. I had all these confusing feelings between the two of you, but my dad was right. We can’t be in love with two people at once.” I exhale in a fast rush. “And I’m in love with you.”
“Is that right?” Jack says, biting back a proud grin.
“I think I was fascinated by the idea of being with Nate,” I admit.
I swallow, trying to find the right words, even though I’d practiced so much of this in the cab ride over. But it’s hard to explain what I feel for Nate. Wild physical attraction aside, I was fascinated by him. Or rather by the idea of who I could be with him. But it was a costume, a part to play in a parody of my life, painting myself into scenes I didn’t belong in. It was no more real than living vicariously through my dad’s long-past exploits.
“Abbs?” Jack prompts when I’m quiet for too long.
I shift my feet, fidget with my boarding pass, because it’s awkward discussing this with him. But I’ve always expected honesty from Jack, and I owe him the same.
“Being my dad’s daughter, I thought I was missing out on something all those years he kept me sheltered. But I’ve realized I’m not that girl.”
Saying it out loud is more cathartic than I expected. But it’s the truth. I’m not that girl. Speeding through the streets on the back of a motorcycle to parts unknown is fun and all, but I like my research and catching a rugby game on a Saturday afternoon. Being tucked away in a library late at night and grabbing a drink at the neighborhood pub. I like sitting at home reading on a rainy day. Watching movies on the couch. Dinner with friends. Simple things. Enjoying the company, not the chaos.
“My biggest fear when I moved here was that I wouldn’t fit in. Wouldn’t find a home. But I have. You make it home.” Emotion clogs my throat. “You screwed up, definitely. But I know it didn’t come from a bad place. I know who you are. And when I’m with you, I know who I am. I like who I am. I know I’m still young and have a lot more to learn, but I want to learn and grow and do all that stuff with you. I love you, Jack. I know it took me a while, but if you’re still up for it, you’re the one I— ”