Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 85224 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85224 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
“I will provide you with a good life, Talia,” he says quietly. “Anything you wish, it will be yours. You will have my children. You will be happy. But you must never betray me.”
And there it is.
He doesn’t trust me. I wonder if he ever will.
I don’t give him my assurances because I know they would not do any good. Just as his assurances can only placate my worries for mere moments until the memories come back. Replacing everything present with the poisonous past.
Alexei comes to say goodbye. He sits beside me on the bed, stroking my face in his hands the way he often does. I don’t want him to go.
“What about Sergei?”
This time, my question angers him. And he goes cold, his fingers falling away.
I regret asking.
“What of Sergei?”
“Nikolai said to be careful of him too.”
“Nikolai has a big mouth, and should not be concerning you with these things. He should have come to me.”
“He said you wouldn’t listen.”
“And he was right. Everything he has to say is nonsense, Solnyshko. You have nothing to fear. I said I would protect you. So leave the worrying to me, yes?”
“Okay.”
“I have to go handle some business,” he tells me. “It might take me a couple days. But I want you in my bed when I return.”
“Okay,” I say again.
“Wear something nice for me,” he says, his eyes moving over me as he reaches down to adjust the bulge in his trousers. “Something silk. And black.”
This time, it is me who reaches up to touch his face. I bring my lips to his, and he returns the sentiment by cupping the back of my head and devouring my mouth with his.
When he pulls away, my lips are swollen and aching for him all over again.
“You be a good girl.” He kisses me on the forehead and then moves to the door. “I will return soon.”
Alexei is gone for three days, instead of two.
I used my Mac to order a few silk chemises in his requested color. With overnight shipping, they arrived the next day. But that wasn’t the only thing I ordered.
Magda of course saw the pregnancy tests when she opened the box and inspected the contents before allowing me to have it. And she has already checked in on me three times this morning, her subtlety failing her horribly.
“Everything alright, Miss Talia?” she asks me as I look up from my book.
“I haven’t taken the tests yet, Magda,” I answer.
She frowns. “Maybe you should.”
I know that I should. But I’m scared.
“I will wait with you,” she volunteers. “If that helps.”
I know she isn’t going to let this go. So I give up reading and stand up. Magda is practically hopping from foot to foot while my stomach is churning.
She takes me by the hand and leads me towards the bathroom. Where I have left the tests laid out and ready.
“I will wait over here,” she tells me as she sits on her usual chair.
I grab three of the sticks and go about my business before setting them on the sink and washing my hands. Magda checks her watch, and then she meets my gaze.
“Why is it so important?” I ask. “Why does he want this…?”
I leave the words ‘with me’ out of that question, though that’s what I’m really asking.
“It is the Vory way,” Magda answers. “Marriage and family are very important. This is the tradition. And Alexei is thirty-five now. He is ready to start a family.”
The rest of the time passes in silence while I process Magda’s words. Alexei is twelve years older than me. But it does not feel that way. It feels as though we are so similar, sometimes. Except where tradition is concerned.
I never planned to have children of my own.
I always worried that my mother’s insanity had infected my own mind. Which it clearly has. These are the thoughts that eat at me while the time ticks down, determining my fate.
I am bound to destroy anything I love.
“Miss Talia?”
I blink, and Magda is before me, leading me over to the chair.
“You’ve gone pale as a sheet,” she says.
“I can’t be a mother,” I tell her. “I will ruin them. My mind… it’s infected.”
She kneels before me and takes my hands in hers. “Why? Because your mother’s was?”
She knows too. I don’t know why this surprises me, but it does.
“Do you think Alyoshka is infected too?” she asks.
“What do you mean?”
She is quiet for a moment, contemplative.
“Did you know that I have raised him since he was a boy?” she asks.
I didn’t know that. “Why?”
“Because his own father rejected him after his illness. He was born as beautiful as he is now and almost taken away by meningitis as a child. But he is a survivor. Like you. His father did not see it that way though. He could only see him as defective when he lost his hearing. And he cast both his mother and Alexei out.”