Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 85224 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85224 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
I take her other hand in mine, so small and delicate and cold, and brush her fingers over the bandage.
“When you feel anxious or uncertain, I want you to touch that star. Always. Remind yourself, Solnyshko, of the one thing you can be sure of more than anything else. That you are safe if only for having that on your skin. You do not require any other armor when you wear my star.”
Her eyes meet mine, and there is doubt in them. Uncertainty. Even still, her fingers are moving over the bandage as she battles her thoughts. And I know in this moment, this is a step towards progress. That she can be reprogrammed. That I have given her something to believe in, no matter how small.
I am hard, from touching her. From being so close to her. And what I really want to do next is pull her legs apart and bury myself inside of her. To fuck her and fill her and claim her in that way. I do not think she would protest.
“You would let me fuck you,” I say aloud. “Right now, if I wanted to.”
“Whatever you want,” is her reply.
I gather the material of her dress and slide it up the skin of her thighs. So creamy and soft beneath my palms. But there is no response from her, even though I am on fire for her. She knows I am using her. She does not see me when I look at her, but another faceless man.
And that is not how I will fuck my wife for the first time. I let the material fall back to her ankles and retreat, holding out only my hand for her.
“Come,” I tell her. “Time for you to sleep.”
10
Talia
I’m staring at the pages of a book when Magda comes in with lunch. When I take one look at what’s on the menu, I frown. Fish, again. With another heaping of sour cream. Always with the sour cream and fish.
“I’m not hungry,” I tell her.
She shakes her head. “You must eat every meal. At least a little bit.”
“I don’t like fish.”
“Mr. Nikolaev insists you eat it until you are feeling better.”
I don’t reply, so she sets down the tray and moves towards the door. There’s a part of me that wants to keep my distance. But Magda has been kind to me. She has seen me at my worst, and when she looks at me, there is no judgment in her eyes.
“Magda?”
My soft voice stops her, and she turns in surprise. “Yes?”
I want to tell her something. But I don’t know what.
“Why are the windows bulletproof?” is the thing that comes out of my mouth.
Magda glances at the window. “How could you tell?”
I tap on the glass. “Because Arman had the same.”
What I don’t tell her is that I discovered this when I tried to throw myself out of one of them unsuccessfully.
“Mr. Nikolaev will not take any chances with your safety,” she says. “It is for all of our protection. This house is more secure than any other place you could ever imagine.”
To demonstrate, she pulls back the heavy door to my room that is never fully shut. “Do you see these strips?” she points out. “They are magnetic. Reinforced steel. This room is for your protection, Talia, although you do not need it. Mr. Nikolaev would never allow anyone to get this close to you.”
I nod and she smiles. There’s hope in her eyes, which is a dangerous thing. I can’t allow her to think she will fix me. I have disappointed anyone who ever looked at me that way before.
I reach for my tray and focus on the food. Magda leaves, and only once she is out of earshot do I tell her thank you.
11
Talia
Another two weeks pass with the monotony of the same pattern. Wake, eat, sleep, repeat. My body has returned to a healthier state, but my mind is the same as it always has been. Diseased. Toxic.
I’m growing restless. Alexei has not come to see me since he made me his wife. Sometimes, I venture outside of my room. Not very far. Only the level I’m on so far. The house is large, and inside it looks like a castle. Stone floors and walls and rich colors and furnishings. There are three bedrooms on the second floor as well as Alexei’s office. And when I pass him, or even linger just outside the doorway, he doesn’t seem to notice me. I’m like an apparition in this house. Moving around unseen.
But I notice him. I’m starting to notice more about him the longer I am here. The blue of his gaze when he settles his eyes on me. The line of his jaw. The scent that seems to linger around the house even when he isn’t in the room. The ever present reminder of him.