Total pages in book: 150
Estimated words: 147136 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 736(@200wpm)___ 589(@250wpm)___ 490(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 147136 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 736(@200wpm)___ 589(@250wpm)___ 490(@300wpm)
“No,” he answered quickly and firmly and on what sounded like a full breath. “No, I don’t fucking think that.”
“I have,” I confessed. “I’ve thought all those things at one point. The last one is just the easiest. I’m not as sad when I believe that one.”
He closed his eyes and lowered his head, whispering my name one time.
He was sad for me. I needed him to feel sad for himself, too, instead of angry, so I kept going.
“What happened wasn’t your fault. It was an accident, and if you hadn’t been driving that night, it would’ve been somebody else. That little boy’s fate was already mapped out, Brian, just like Barrett’s.”
He shook his head once. “Someone else could’ve been driving, fine, but you know what?” He glanced up. “Maybe they wouldn’t have been speeding. Maybe they would’ve been going slow enough to get control of their car and they could’ve avoided—”
“No.” I leaned closer and took his own face in my hands when he let go of mine. “I’ve driven on this road. I’ve gone down that hill, which means I know how steep it is, and I can tell you knowing in my heart that it’s true, it didn’t matter how fast you were going that night. You could’ve been doing the speed limit and you would’ve still lost control when you hit that ice, and given how sharp that drop is, you would’ve sped up, Brian. You would’ve sped up and you still would’ve hit them. Anyone would’ve hit them.”
“I could’ve controlled it.”
“You couldn’t, honey. There was nothing you could’ve done.”
He blinked hard and I felt the muscles in his jaw tense.
He was hearing me. I was getting to him.
I had to keep going.
I looked between us, at the console and his body pressed against it to get closer to me and my body pressed against it to get closer to him.
“What are you doing?” he asked, leaning back and gripping my waist as I put my weight on my left foot and carefully brought my other leg over to his side.
“Getting closer,” I replied.
I slid over him and straddled his lap.
“Syd …”
My hands moved from his shoulders to around his neck. I pressed closer until I could feel his breath on my mouth.
“I’m gonna say some things to you and I want you to listen,” I said. “Can you do that?”
His hands glided to my back.
“Do I have a choice?” he asked.
“No, but I thought I’d be polite and give you the option.”
He looked to my mouth, then back to my eyes, replying, “Sweet of you.”
I shrugged, found the words I wanted to say, and said them quickly, speaking fast because I didn’t want to be interrupted and because I believed them so much I couldn’t keep them to myself another second.
“You’re a good man, Brian,” I started, feeling his neck pull as he tried to look away but I kept a tight hold so he couldn’t. “Amazing,” I continued, bending closer. “I needed you, but I didn’t know I needed you until you reached out to me and made sure I was okay. You told me to focus on you, remember? When I said I felt lost and scared, you wanted to talk to me. You comforted me. You didn’t need to do that but you did, and I don’t care if your reasons were selfish in the beginning. I don’t care if you wanted to know the girl who had to be a little crazy for going off on you the way she did. You made me laugh and live and you helped me find the person I was without Marcus, and you did that carrying this guilt inside of you that you didn’t deserve to carry. You were hurting so bad but you shut that out so you could heal me. You kept that locked inside and you made sure I was okay. That’s …I mean, my God, how amazing of a man can you possibly be? Who does that?”
“Syd,” he tried, interrupting when I paused to take in a shuddering breath.
I was a mess of tears and a quivering voice, but I pressed on. I didn’t stop.
“You are a dream, Brian Savage,” I repeated, dropping my head until our foreheads touched. “You’re my dream. The most amazing person I’ve ever known, and I’m going to heal you. I am, and you’re not going to be able to stop me so don’t even bother trying. This is happening. It’s my turn. You healed me and now I’m healing you. I’m going to do it. I’m going to make sure you’re okay, and I’m not going to stop until there is none of that guilt left inside of you. I’m not going to stop until you’re the one telling me that accident wasn’t your fault. I promise. Forever.” I dipped closer. “I’m going to give you Wild for the rest of your life and so much of it you won’t have room to feel anything else.”