Total pages in book: 66
Estimated words: 62102 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 311(@200wpm)___ 248(@250wpm)___ 207(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 62102 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 311(@200wpm)___ 248(@250wpm)___ 207(@300wpm)
I can’t move past the shock of hearing what he’s saying, but deep in the back of my mind, I feel vindicated. I wanted to hear these words from him a long time ago, and for a while, I held onto hope that he would come to his senses before things between us were truly severed, but he didn’t. Until now. Did it take the finality of the divorce for it to finally sink in for him?
Our marriage wasn’t perfect, but I had thought it was worth saving.
But is it still?
“I understand that this is a lot, Rai, but what we had shouldn’t have been thrown away, and I just hope you’ll give me a chance.” When I don’t respond, he says, “You don’t have to say anything now, except that you’ll go to dinner with me tomorrow. Just tell me that we can talk more about it, even if your answer ends up being no.”
I take another drink of my wine and realize I’m clutching the glass much too hard. “I take it this means things with Courtney didn’t work out.”
“This was never about Courtney.”
It seemed to have a lot to do with Courtney when he was out fucking her behind my back, but I hold my tongue. We’ve been over it so many times before.
“Will you go, Rai? Please? Just dinner.”
I haven’t had much wine at all yet, but my head feels so fuzzy. I just never expected to be in this situation with Nick, not now. I agree that what we had shouldn’t have been thrown away. Is it possible he’s changed? Did seeing me with another man make him realize he’d made a mistake?
Even though he hurt me so badly, I still feel a connection with Nick. We spent so many years together, and they were our formative years. We grew into adults together, and we made a life together.
I at least owe it to him to hear him out.
“Just dinner,” I say, and my ex-husband gives me a look so full of gratitude that a little corner of my stony heart crumbles.
Brittany calls me the next day and asks about the men from the club. I tell her our fantasy arrangement is over. She makes the assumption that it was their idea to stop getting together, and when I don’t correct her, she drops the subject with only a disgusted murmur of “Men.”
I don’t dare mention that I’m going to have dinner with Nick.
Nick texts and tells me to wear something nice, and because I’m not trying to impress him, I choose pants and a modest blouse. Nevertheless, he’s very complimentary when he picks me up.
He also brings flowers, and they trigger a lot of complicated feelings. Leo brought me flowers on our date, and Dante and Darian had roses for me in our suite. Those were such sweet gestures, seemingly only intended to make me happy. Nick’s flowers are motivated by his guilt.
After I thank him and put the bouquet in water, he leads me out to his car, where he opens the door for me. He never, ever did this before, and I find myself unable to relax and take his actions at face value.
Over dinner at an upscale restaurant, he continues to be more attentive than he’d been since before we were married. He asks questions about how I’ve been, but he keeps the conversation light, eventually making me smile and putting me at ease.
It’s not until dessert that he returns to the subject of our marriage.
“It’s a cliché, and it’s painful to admit, but sometimes you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.” He takes my hand and I let him, because as we’ve been talking, I’ve gradually let my guard down.
“What is it exactly that you miss?” I ask. “Because you didn’t have anything good to say when you asked for a divorce, and I can’t say that I’ve been missing much from the way our marriage had been these past few years.”
He winces, but squeezes my palm. “I took it all for granted, Rai. I should have been a better husband, and I know that now.”
This apology gets to me, and I think that’s because I know I could and should have been a better wife.
Could we both be better together, realizing where we went wrong?
“There’s a lot that’s happened,” I say.
“I know, and I have a lot to make up to you, but I really hope you’ll give us a chance.”
I don’t say much, because I’m filled with so much uncertainty, but I also don’t shut him down, and he convinces me to agree to another dinner date.
I don’t have a lot of hope for us, but there is a tiny glimmer, and I owe it to myself not to have any regrets about being too closed off to at least consider the possibility of reconciliation.