Total pages in book: 98
Estimated words: 91149 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91149 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
I’m momentarily lost in watching her get dressed and then it occurs to me she’s no longer in my arms, but I still need to say the most important thing to her.
“What are you doing?” I ask, rising up on one elbow.
Mazzy snaps her bra into place, then retrieves her jeans. She doesn’t look at me as she threads her legs into the denim. “Maybe you and I should cool things down.”
Narrowing my eyes, I ask, “What does that mean?”
She lifts her head and locks eyes with me. “I mean… maybe I should just go back to being her nanny.”
“That’s not going to fucking happen,” I assert adamantly, rolling out of the bed and striding around it to her. I don’t bother getting dressed. “What’s this all about? What about yesterday has changed your feelings for me?”
Mazzy shakes her head, her palms coming to my chest. “My feelings for you have not changed.” I should feel relief, but I don’t. She wants to break up and I need to hear why so I can fix it. “But if Sandra gets hold of this knowledge… that you and I are an item, that can cause problems for your bid for permanent custody. All she has to do is paint some sordid tale about you banging the nanny and not paying attention to Bowie Jane—”
“That’s not true,” I say.
“It doesn’t matter if it’s true,” Mazzy replies with a huff of frustration, pushing her hair back from her face. “It only matters if she says it and it could cause problems for you. I don’t want to be the cause of that.”
“And that’s why you won’t press charges? So you don’t inflame Sandra?”
Mazzy refuses to answer, instead saying as she drops her gaze, “Maybe this is all too confusing for Bowie Jane and I’m a distraction. You should put all your focus on your daughter.”
I’m not going to allow that, so my fingers go under her chin and I force her to look at me. “I’m focused on my daughter just fine. She’s my priority but that doesn’t mean I don’t have room for you too.”
“But Bowie Jane is going through some really messed-up stuff with her mother. I don’t want to confuse her as she sees us getting closer. I don’t want her to have to choose between affection for me and loving her mom.”
“Okay, you need to stop right now,” I order. I have to prevent the snowball from getting bigger as it rolls downhill. “First, you and I have been transparent with Bowie Jane, and we continue to have open communication with her about our relationship. There won’t be confusion because she knows exactly what we are. And she doesn’t have to choose between her affections because she has already declared her love for you. It’s not something she’s contemplating and it’s not an either-or thing. She loves you for who you are and if you want proof of that, it was yesterday when her mom was beckoning for her to leave and you told her to go to her room. She chose your wisdom and trusted you, not her mother.”
Mazzy opens her mouth to argue, but I roll over her. “Now, I don’t know what’s going to happen with Sandra or between Sandra and Bowie Jane, but what I do know is that she has a healthy, whole unit right here in this house between me and you. She is seeing what a good relationship looks like and we are providing stability. I’m not about to let you go shake things up because you’re getting a little spooked.”
“I’m not spooked—”
“But the most important thing on my mind and what I probably should’ve led with is that I love you and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you toss me aside because you’ve got a few unfounded worries.”
“They’re not unfounded,” she snaps angrily. “If you just—” Mazzy stops midsentence, brow furrowing in confusion. “Wait… did you just say you love me?”
“I did,” I reply, my refusal to clarify anything more an invitation for her to figure things out on her own. Mazzy’s got a lot of muddied thoughts circulating in that noggin of hers.
“But…” She pauses again, chews on her bottom lip.
And remains silent.
With a sigh, I dip down to kiss her and then place my forehead on hers. “Let’s go over this one more time. There is no one I trust more with my daughter than you. She loves you and you love her. If I trust you with my daughter, I sure as fuck feel secure in trusting you with my heart, so I’m offering it to you, Mazzy.” I lift my head and stare deep into those green eyes. “I love you. I want a life with you. There’s no way in hell you’re ever just going to be the nanny, and I’m not about to let you run scared. So, process if you need to, but eventually—”