Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 77039 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 385(@200wpm)___ 308(@250wpm)___ 257(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77039 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 385(@200wpm)___ 308(@250wpm)___ 257(@300wpm)
I tap my foot on the tile floor, my army boot making a clomping noise. “I want to talk to my mother. She’s back there with him.”
“We can only allow one person back in the ER with the patient. I’m sorry, but that’s all I can tell you.”
“Damn it.” I bring my fist down on the counter. “That’s just not good enough.”
Brendan is beside me then, his arms around my shoulders. “Come on, baby. She’s just doing her job.”
“I don’t care. Doesn’t anyone understand that this is my father? This is my father, who’s celebrating his twenty-fifth anniversary today. My father!” Tears well in my eyes.
“Baby,” Brendan soothes, “come on. We all know how much he means to you. I’m sure there will be news soon. But until then, you need to keep a positive attitude.”
“There’s nothing positive about any of this. Ever since I drew that tower card, I’ve known this was coming. I just didn’t expect it to be my father.”
He takes my hand again, rubs his fingers into my palm.
I know what he’s doing.
He’s placating me. He doesn’t believe in the tarot. He’s trying to relax me so that I’ll forget about that card.
I jerk my hand away from him. “I know what you’re thinking, Brendan.”
His eyebrows rise. “You do?”
“Yes. You’re thinking I need to forget about that stupid card. You’re just like everyone else.”
“Ava, I never said—”
I jerk away from him and walk out of the waiting room. I’m sick to death of it, anyway. Uncomfortable chairs. People coughing. Magazines from last year. I have no idea where I’m going, but I know I can’t stay with people who don’t take me seriously.
I have my cell phone. Gina or Brendan will call me if they find out anything about my father. I can no longer sit here. Sit like my feet are rooted to the ground. I need to do something.
If only I had my tarot deck with me. Brendan, Gina, and the rest of the free world may think it’s ridiculous, but it means something to me. It soothes me when I need soothing.
But that card…
The tower…
It did not soothe me.
And even now, when I’m trying to find a positive spin on everything happening, all I can see is that card, pulsing out at me, moving with my own heartbeat.
I walk. I have no idea where I’m going, and within a few minutes, I find myself in the main part of the hospital.
“May I help you?” a volunteer asks me.
I ignore her and keep walking.
When I come to the elevators, I read the list. Cardiac wing, gastrointestinal, mental health.
Mental health. I sigh. Am I going insane? Insane like my grandmother Daphne Steel?
None of the rest of the people in my family, all of whom are descended from her, show any signs of mental illness. But it has to surface somewhere, doesn’t it?
At this moment, I feel anything but mentally healthy.
I’m a woman who rejects her family’s money. I’m a woman who colors her hair pink. I’m a woman who believes in the wisdom and guidance of the tarot cards.
And I’m a woman who…
I’m a woman who’s doubting her sanity at this moment.
I pull out my cell phone and dial Aunt Melanie.
“Ava?” she gasps. “Do you have news?”
I back against the wall of the alcove where the elevators are, and I slide into a sitting position. “No, Aunt Mel. I don’t have any news. Not yet.”
“Well, he’s going to be fine. We just all have to keep believing that.”
“I’m trying, Aunt Mel. But I…”
“What is it, honey?”
“I’m frightened. I think I may be going…crazy.”
“Oh, honey. You’re not. You’re fine. Just worried about your father.”
“That’s not it. I just don’t seem to know myself anymore. No one will tell me anything. No one, not even my mother, and she’s deciphered those messages I received. I’m sure of it. But now? How can I ask her about any of that? I love my mother and my father so much. I can’t lose them. I just…feel like something horrible is coming, Aunt Melanie.”
“Ava…”
“What?”
“Pause a moment. I want you to take a few deep breaths. Breathe with me right now, okay?”
“Okay,” I choke out.
“Breathe in deeply through your nose. I want to hear you do it.”
I obey, sucking in as much air as I can through my nose.
“And out through your mouth,” Aunt Melanie says.
I obey again, letting my breath flow out of me.
“All right, Ava. Two more times. With me.”
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
“Now,” Aunt Melanie says. “Have you come down a bit?”
Have I? I don’t feel like I’m losing it. At least not as much. But my father… The secrets… All of it…
“Not really.”
“Actually, you have. I can hear it in your voice. Now listen to me. Right now, we need to focus on your father. Focus on him, and—”
“No one will tell me anything.”