Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 112069 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 560(@200wpm)___ 448(@250wpm)___ 374(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 112069 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 560(@200wpm)___ 448(@250wpm)___ 374(@300wpm)
Remy nodded and dropped his eyes. I swore I saw him wipe at them. I wanted to reach out and tip his head up so I could be sure, but it was really just an excuse to touch him.
“What? What is it?” I asked.
He let out a harsh laugh. He swiped at his face again. “I guess they’re harder to stop once you start,” he muttered.
Was he talking about the tears?
He didn’t continue, so I just watched him for a moment. “Do you want her, Remy?” I asked after a moment. “Do you want to raise Violet yourself?”
He sat perfectly still for a moment, then let out a choked sob. “No,” he whispered. I barely heard him, but he shook his head almost frantically. “I… I know that makes me a terrible person, but I’m not what she needs. I love her, Luca, I really do—”
“Hey,” I said as I scooted forward enough so I could put my hand on his knee. He was working himself up with his explanation, like he owed me one. I was glad when he didn’t pull away from me. “Take a few deep breaths, okay?” I urged gently.
He nodded and dragged in one breath after another. I gripped his knee every time he pulled a breath in. It took me a second to realize he’d started matching his breaths to the little squeezes I was giving him.
“She’s such an amazing little girl and I’d be so lucky to be able to call her mine, but I’m not ready for that kind of responsibility. And she deserves someone who is… someone who can and will put her first. I… I’m still figuring out how to put one foot in front of the other.”
His face went red with color, and when I saw him reach for his forearm, I knew instantly what he was afraid of. And I was so fucking proud of him for his strength that I just wanted to grab him and tell him how amazing he was. He was an addict who was still working through his own recovery and he was smart enough to know that trying to care for a child, and one with special needs at that, would put his own health at risk. And putting his sobriety on the line meant nothing but bad things for Violet.
“It doesn’t make you selfish,” I said. “You are doing exactly what Violet needs… you are putting her first. You saved her life, Remy.”
He shook his head and climbed unsteadily to his feet. He seemed like he was on the verge of running. “I didn’t do enough. I should have called CPS or something. Maybe if I had, Jackie would still be alive—”
“Don’t,” I said firmly as I rose. I took a chance and grabbed both his upper arms. His hands came up to grab my wrists, which still had smatterings of blood on them from where he’d scratched me, but he didn’t do anything but hang on to me. “That little girl is so lucky to have someone like you in her corner. You could have just looked the other way entirely. But she’s out of that hellhole because of you. If you’re going to blame yourself for one event, you need to give yourself credit for the other.”
He didn’t respond, but he didn’t look away from me, either. It felt like the smallest of wins. Several seconds passed before he did look down, but just to look at where his hands were holding on to my wrists. Awareness sizzled through my nerve endings as something shifted between us. I doubted he even noticed it, but it was impossible for me to miss. He began rubbing the thumb of one hand along one of the bigger scratches on my right wrist. He soon did the same with the other hand. His touch ignited a fire in my blood that had been dormant for a really, really long time.
For good reason.
“I’m sorry, Luca. I—”
“Remy,” I nearly growled because I was trying to keep my rioting body under control. Remy stilled his fingers and looked up at me. His eyes widened slightly and his nostrils flared. He was like a prey animal that was trying to pick up the scent of danger in the slightest of breezes.
He was so very right to be wary.
“Don’t ever apologize to me. Do you understand me?” I asked, forcing myself to keep my voice calm and even so I wouldn’t scare him even more.
His breathing ticked up, but he didn’t release me. In fact, his fingers began moving over my skin again, but even more softly this time. And his eyes were trained on mine.
Like he was trying to read my reaction.
If I just pushed my hips forward a little, he’d feel my reaction.
I told myself to release him, but it wasn’t until he parted his full lips just a tiny bit and I saw his tongue dart out to wet them that I jerked back. I turned on my heel and fisted my hands. My body was screaming, but fortunately, I had an outlet to keep my hands busy. I snatched my phone off the back of the couch and sent a message to King with the details that Remy had shared about Jackie. I got a response almost instantly that my brother was on it. When I turned around, Remy was gone and the door was standing wide open.