Total pages in book: 67
Estimated words: 62543 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 313(@200wpm)___ 250(@250wpm)___ 208(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 62543 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 313(@200wpm)___ 250(@250wpm)___ 208(@300wpm)
I bend down and pat his head as he walks with me although my heart is racing.
I don’t think Jay will deny me like he did the first night and if he does, I’m going to fight him on that. I don’t think it will come to that though. He doesn’t want to deny me, just as I don’t want to refuse him of anything.
We need progress, not perfection, I think as I head to the bedroom across from the basement door. I don’t try to be quiet at all. I want him to know I’m not sneaking around or trying anything.
The door’s wide open and filled with so much more light than my own room. It’s only moonlight, but the blinds are open and they send stripes of shadows across the bed. They lay on Jay’s bare thighs and chest and all the way up to his chin.
I stop in the doorway, the floors creaking as I take in a steadying breath.
“You should be sleeping,” Jay says without turning to look at me. Toby yawns again then arches his back before circling in the hallway behind me. The sound of his paws and the jingle of his tag are so loud. I swallow thickly, ripping my eyes away from him and taking a step into Jay’s bedroom.
“I thought you slept downstairs,” I tell him and he finally turns to look at me, although the rest of his body is still.
“It’s different, knowing you’re up here.” His eyes travel down my body slowly, assessing me. The way his eyes heat creates an instant tension in the room that makes me shift slightly, ignoring the way my core heats. Jay has a power over me that’s undeniable.
I walk toward the bed and sit down on the edge as I talk. “I think that’s a good thing. It’s change, and change is good.”
My hands rest in my lap as I wait for him to respond. His eyes narrow, and he’s quiet for a long time.
“Why aren’t you sleeping?” he asks me, although he already knows the answer.
My throat gets tight as I scoot further into his bed and my knee brushes his. “I want to sleep with you,” I push the words out and then look Jay in the eyes.
Slowly, ever so slowly, a smile tugs at his lips.
“Please?” I ask him and he hesitates but then shakes his head.
“You can’t be here when John comes,” he says although there’s no conviction in his voice.
I ignore him and simply pull the sheet and comforter down and crawl into bed.
“You’re getting bold, Robin,” Jay says with a bit of an admonishment, but then he wraps his arm around me and pulls me closer to him. “I love it,” he says with a soft smile.
I smile into his chest and then look up at him.
The faint light of the moon filtering in through the windows highlights the sharp lines of his jaw and his rough stubble. I nudge my nose against his chin and he lets out a huff of a laugh.
“You really should be sleeping,” he tells me and I nuzzle next to him. I wish I felt warm fuzzy feelings, but I don’t. I feel nothing but anxiety.
“I want to talk,” I tell him and it makes him laugh. A genuine laugh that’s rough and bubbles up from his chest. It’s the sweetest sound to hear, and it reminds me of the first time I heard it. Pure joy from a man so devoid of any happiness.
“Of course you do.” He runs a hand down his face and lets out an easy sigh before looking at me. “What do you want to talk about, little bird?”
“Anything,” I answer him. “Just tell me something.” I nestle closer to him, but keep my hands to myself. I love this. This easiness and openness. I want this forever.
“I feel better now with you,” he tells me and it makes me smile, but the happiness quickly vanishes. “Before I thought it would be better if I just left.” He looks into my eyes as he talks, absently trailing his fingers over the dip in my waist.
“I thought it would be easier if I was just gone.”
“That’s a horrible thought to have, Jay and you’re so wrong-”
“Shh,” Jay shushes me and calms me down by kissing my forehead. “I know that. I could never leave you anyway. Even if you had no idea I was there.”
His admission only makes me feel that much worse. “I wish I’d been there for you,” I whisper against his chest. I desperately want to rest my hand against his chest, but instead I move my fingers to the front of his pajama bottoms and slip them just over the edge so I’m comfortable.
“I can’t tell you how many nights I wanted to get in bed with you,” Jay says. “I know it’s wrong. Stalking or whatever, but I wanted it. I wanted to go after you.”