Total pages in book: 108
Estimated words: 105301 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 527(@200wpm)___ 421(@250wpm)___ 351(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 105301 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 527(@200wpm)___ 421(@250wpm)___ 351(@300wpm)
What the hell is going on?
“I love you,” he tells me intimately and pulls away. The way he says it is almost as though he’s reassuring me… or himself. I don’t like this vibe at all.
“The baby is in the buggy,” Sasha yells, startling me and bringing me back out of my head.
“Coming,” I call and hold my hand out to Dillan. “Shall we go get our shoesies on?”
“Oosies,” Dillan mimics and pulls me into the hallway.
Nathan helps to put his shoes on as I sort out Emily in her pram and grab the changing bag.
“I’ll see you in a couple of hours,” I tell him, looking in his eyes for any sign of deceit, for any sign of a secret he could be keeping.
I had thought we told each other basically everything but I just know, deep down, that something is going on here that he doesn’t want me to know about.
Chapter Ten
Because I got home so late that day, I had to quickly change and leave for work. Since then, I’ve noticed Nathan has been actively avoiding being alone with me. When I finish work he’s sleeping and for the past three days, when I’ve awoken, he’s left the kids with me and disappeared into his office. Also, yesterday he went out for two hours with no explanation as to where he was going.
I’m hoping this sudden change is nothing more than store demands but deep down I know it’s something more. I have a feeling that his Dad’s lack of conviction is weighing heavily on him and is affecting him far more than he’s letting on. Though surely he’d tell me? Who else better to listen to his ranting about that awful man than the one person who knows the history?
A little voice in the back of my head pushes other possibilities forward too. Ones far scarier than I can cope with.
I want to trust him but how do you trust a person who is lying to you? Is he having an affair? Is he tiring of me?
This man walked through fire for me. This man constantly pushes for us to set a wedding date. This man is supposed to be the love of my life.
The thought of losing him to somebody else makes me feel sick and I just know that’s not the case. It can’t be.
So what is it?
If it’s not another woman, why is he suddenly being so shady?
All of this stress is going to turn my hairs grey.
My performance at work today has been less than stellar. I need to stop letting my home life interfere with my work presence but I can’t help it. I’m exhausted. Between battling the kids, work and keeping an eye on Nathan, I’m exhausted. I’ve had no time for myself in weeks, not that I regret anything. It’s just that I’m going to lose my mind if I don’t find some quiet time to gather my thoughts and reflect on things.
That and speak with Nathan about his inability to meet my eyes.
Is it selfish that I don’t want this on my plate on top of everything else? I don’t need relationship drama right now. I can’t cope with that now.
“Everything okay?” Harold asks.
I nod, smile and continue working. I really need to focus.
“It’s your turn to go on break,” he adds and nods towards the staffroom. “Go.”
I don’t need telling twice.
When I make it to my bag and grasp my phone, I’m surprised at the message lighting up my screen. It’s as if he’s psychic and knows that I’m struggling to come to grips with the mess that is my mind.
Nathan: I’m sorry I haven’t been around lately. I miss you. Shall I get a sitter for tomorrow?
Gwen: Yes, definitely, even if it’s for a few hours. We need to talk.
I check my pinned hair with my free hand as I wait for him to respond. I know he’s going to ask what we need to talk about but I don’t want to tell him over the phone for fear of giving him time to create a tale to tell me to my face.
Wow.
My own thoughts have set such a deep chill in my heart. Never, since the day we almost died, have I had to worry about Nathan lying to me about anything. This is awful. I hate this.
Nathan: Yes, we do. <3
Holy shit. That is not what I was expecting. Suddenly I need tomorrow to come right now. The anticipation is going to kill me.
The next day drags. I love my kids but I need them out of the way today so that I can focus on other things for a while without worrying about how my tone of voice will affect them. So when Nathan leaves to drop them off with Jeanine, the first thing I do is strip naked and climb into a bubbling hot bath. It’s genuinely the best feeling in the world, apart from Nathan induced orgasms.