Total pages in book: 114
Estimated words: 103918 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 520(@200wpm)___ 416(@250wpm)___ 346(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 103918 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 520(@200wpm)___ 416(@250wpm)___ 346(@300wpm)
I didn’t allow myself to sit there long because I knew Lex would be finishing up in the bathroom soon enough. I’d already pulled on a clean pair of jeans and T-shirt, so I grabbed a pair of socks from my dresser and headed to the bathroom. Only, I found Lex sitting on the living room couch instead. Brewer was leaning against him getting a head rub. This time, I wasn't jealous of my dog because who could blame him? Lex's touch was an amazing thing.
"Gideon?" Lex asked.
"Yeah, I'm here," I said as I stepped farther into the room. The clothes Lex had worn to my house, the ones I'd stripped off him in the bathroom piece by piece as I’d taken in his gorgeous body, were sitting neatly folded on the couch next to him. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to offer to wash them or not.
Lex was rubbing his hands together, but he had his eyes aimed in my general direction. "Will you come sit down?" he asked.
His voice had a certain level of tension to it. The same amount of tension I was feeling myself. "Yeah," I responded and then I went and sat on the coffee table in front of him. I knew I probably could've selected the couch next to him or one of the side chairs, but I knew it would be easier for Lex to find me if I was directly in his line of sight. He wouldn't be able to see me, of course, except for maybe my outline, but it would most certainly be easier for him to tell where my voice was coming from.
"I'm not sure what to do next," Lex admitted.
"Me neither."
"I have questions, Gideon. You don't have to answer them—"
"I'll try. I have questions too."
Lex nodded and said, "You first."
"After we went to the store, you shut down. What happened?" I asked. "Because I'll be honest, Lex. My ex would do the same thing and then she’d turn on me out of nowhere and no matter what happens between you and me, I just can't go through that again."
Lex nodded and said, "I was jealous. I can't pretend I was anything else. When Kenny told me aisle seven was where the condoms were and Merv said he’d heard you were looking at them, all I could think about was you buying those condoms and using them with someone…"
Lex paused for a really long time before continuing with, "Someone who wasn't me. I'm sorry for the way I treated you. I just couldn't stand the idea of someone like Delia—"
"I've never been with Delia. I've never wanted to. I married my wife when I was a sophomore in college, and I hadn’t really dated before that. And after…"
My words fell off as a searing pain ripped through my abdomen. I actually put my hand against my belly as if there really was something inside of me clawing to get out. But what was in there was permanent. It would never leave me no matter how many years I spent trying to forget its existence. "There wasn't anyone after we split, either," I hedged.
"So no men then," Lex murmured. He'd said it as a statement, but the question was clear enough.
I sighed and said, "I know this sounds crazy, but I had no idea I might be bisexual until I met you. I've been thinking about it a lot in the past week and I realize that there were signs that I just either refused to acknowledge or that I completely missed. I'm honestly not really sure. But Lex, I need you to know that today wasn't me just trying to figure stuff out. I mean, I'm still confused as hell that this is happening, but that has nothing to do with you."
"I get it, Gideon. I do. So you weren't really looking at the condoms in the store? You were looking at the lube?"
I was sure I would go up in flames right then and there. But I’d promised I'd answer his questions and while this particular one was embarrassing as hell, it wasn't touching on a forbidden topic. "Yeah, so after I started having these thoughts about you, I went online and began entering some words into the search engine. By the way, there are some seriously fucked-up things on there."
Lex chuckled and said, "Yeah, I've seen some things I wish I hadn't."
The moment of levity helped a little bit. "I was at Merv's to buy a bottle of booze to drown out all these crazy thoughts in my head about you," I admitted. "But before that, I went to aisle seven and looked at the lube and wondered what it would be like…" My courage gave out at that point, so I finished with, "This whole thing has been a lot to take in."