Total pages in book: 114
Estimated words: 103918 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 520(@200wpm)___ 416(@250wpm)___ 346(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 103918 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 520(@200wpm)___ 416(@250wpm)___ 346(@300wpm)
The sweatshirt had meant I couldn't see anything, but that hadn't stopped my brain from trying to remember what his upper body had looked like when I’d changed out his wet clothes for dry ones. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending upon how one looked at it, I'd been in too much of a rush to linger at the time.
It was all too much to take in at once. I couldn't make sense of how I'd never realized I could be attracted to men before, and now that I was, it was hard to accept. But I also wasn't one to keep making excuses, especially when something was just too obvious to ignore.
With the way I was holding Lex against the wall, his body was lined up almost perfectly with mine. He might've been shorter than me, but it wasn't enough to change how our bodies notched together. All I had to do was press my hips in just a bit, and I’d feel that bulge I'd seen behind his underwear.
The need to do just that was like a fire burning in my blood. Fortunately, I had the sense to keep some distance between us. Just because I was dealing with all of these unexpected things didn't mean that Lex was having the same issue. And clearly, he wasn't because he had already pointed out how much my reaction to his blindness bothered him.
The more I thought about it, the more I understood it. How many times had I taken for granted how easy it was to read a person rather than actually speak with them? It was one of the many reasons my wife and I had drifted apart. She'd needed constant reassurance from me about anything and everything and after growing tired of it, I’d started expecting her to just read my expressions the way I read hers. But she might as well have been as blind as Lex. By the time I’d realized she wasn't able to read me in the same way, it had all been too late. Our marriage had crumbled, and things had only gone downhill from there.
I shoved away thoughts of the past and focused on the man holding completely still in my grip. He was breathing hard and I knew I had to be scaring him. "I can't," I repeated and then added, "Not until I know you'll be okay on your own."
It was a half-truth. I really wanted to just hold on to him because the idea of letting him go felt wrong. But that made no sense. I didn't even like the guy. Yeah, I was attracted to him, but he was an entitled prick who just happened to be at a low moment in his life.
I focused on Lex's expression as I released my hold on him. I swore I saw his lips quiver just slightly, but I couldn't be sure. He didn't move away from the wall and I found myself not moving either. I'd expected that my body would calm if I wasn't touching him, but that fire still burned and there was this nearly painful itch in my fingers. I fisted my hands to keep from reaching for him again.
"I'm not your responsibility," Lex said. His eyes were looking over my shoulder. I wanted to grasp his chin so I could direct his gaze to meet mine, but I resisted the urge. "I know it doesn't seem like it, but I can take care of myself. I've been doing it for a long time."
I sighed because I knew he was right. And the sooner I got him out of my cabin, the sooner I could deal with all the new feelings he brought out in me. "Fine," I responded. "Let me just check your blood sugar again and fix you some dinner and then I'll take you home."
"That's not necessary—" he began to say, but I silenced him by taking his hand in mine. So much for resisting the urge to touch him.
"Humor me," I murmured. "Please," I added, though it was admittedly tough. I was used to people following my orders. It wasn't that I was a controlling asshole who needed to dominate others; it just seemed that people naturally looked to me for direction. My wife hadn't particularly liked making decisions in our household and had often asked me how to handle things. I hadn’t been smart enough to recognize it as a cry for help. It was one of many regrets I would have to live with for the rest of my life and I didn’t want to repeat it with Lex or anyone else.
I was relieved when Lex nodded. More awkward silence filled the air between us, but this time I wasn't going to make the same mistake I had before. I still had ahold of Lex's hand, so I used that to pull him forward just a little. I hoped that he would pass off the contact as nothing more than me helping him get from one place to another. He didn't need to know that I liked the way his palm felt against mine. "I'll show you the kitchen," I explained, since I now understood how important it was for him to know where he was.