Total pages in book: 57
Estimated words: 55099 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 275(@200wpm)___ 220(@250wpm)___ 184(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 55099 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 275(@200wpm)___ 220(@250wpm)___ 184(@300wpm)
“Consider it done,” Tate replied. “For the record, that scented candle has a calming effect.”
“So do horse tranquilizers. You got any’a those?” Ash retorted.
Tate smiled sympathetically. “I’ll see what I can find.”
I tugged on Ash’s hand, then sat down on the lounger again, and Tate soon returned to Kingsley’s embrace.
Ash moved one of the umbrellas over to us while I flipped open the pizza box and grabbed a cold beer for him. More ice for my glass too.
“You’re an angel,” he said.
“So are you. A shameless one.” I felt the need to add the last part as he stripped down to boxer briefs.
I was so used to it. The men out here couldn’t spell modesty.
“To Sinead O’Connor,” I said, holding up my glass of iced tea. A drop of condensation fell on my thigh.
He chuckled tiredly and clinked his bottle with my glass.
I didn’t push him immediately, wanting him to get a breather and at least have a slice. But I was ready for answers. He’d left our community so suddenly after he and Nathan had broken up, and even though he’d stayed in touch with some of us, he’d made it clear that certain topics were off-limits.
The few times I’d met up with Ash the last year, he’d been a sneak. AKA, his kids had been nearby.
His chest and right arm were graced with countless dedications to his family. To Nathan too. The date they’d met, the day they’d gotten married, all four kids’ birthdays, their favorite toys—particularly LEGO for Mikey, who was obsessed. Four baby bottles, lyrics, road trip destinations from their summer vacations… Only a few subtle hints that were kink-related. A bundle of rope because Nathan was a rigger. A collection of knives. The silhouette of a forest in the background, whispering of Ash’s love for primal takedowns.
“Lucian told me you moved,” I mentioned, taking a bite of my pizza slice.
He nodded once and chewed. “Yeah, I was a dumbass. I pretty much bought Nate’s dream house, hoping it would remind him of our old hopes to get outta the city and have a big backyard.”
I lifted my brows.
He shook his head to himself. “He told me to go fuck myself.”
That…didn’t sound like Nathan. “In those words?”
Ash shrugged. “He got all mad—like he couldn’t form any words, and he shook his head at me and said he couldn’t believe I’d done that.”
That sounded like Nathan.
“It’s his way of telling me to go fuck myself,” he finished.
I wasn’t so sure, though I didn’t know Nathan that well. The bondage community was its own tight-knit group, always had been, so we’d been closer with Ash. But even so…
“You know him best,” I made sure to say first. “But from an outside perspective? I think he could be hurt. Maybe he just saw you moving forward with plans that used to belong to you as a couple.”
“Except, I told him I wanted him to consider givin’ us a try again,” he said.
Oh.
“When was this?” I wondered.
“Before the holidays. That’s when I moved in.”
Got it.
So a sensitive time of year…with a family split in two after they’d celebrated so many Christmases together…
Come to think about it, it might’ve been their second holiday apart. I wasn’t sure—but I had a more pressing question.
“Are you ever gonna tell me what eventually caused the breakup?” I reached for another slice.
He sighed. “Can’t we leave it at, it was my fault?”
I didn’t believe that for a second. Several of us knew the gist of their problems, and they’d struggled for at least a couple of years, on and off, before they’d split. As a vanilla couple, they’d aced everything together, so they’d taken frequent breaks from kink, where they had very little in common.
I supposed that one bothered me the most. Because for as much as I needed BDSM in my life and identified with my core kinks, I couldn’t imagine a situation where I saw no solution—as long as I felt so strongly for my partner outside of the playroom.
“I pushed him too hard,” Ash admitted. “I felt like we were falling apart, so I lost my shit. I pissed him off at every turn to get him to explode, and in the end, I asked him to choose between kink and our family.”
I winced.
Maybe not the smoothest move, but what caged animal reacted rationally?
“I wanted us to walk away from kink,” he said. “Nate was sure I’d be miserable and grow to resent him. So…” He swallowed hard and tossed the crust back into the box. “I said I was done. I spent that night at my brother’s house, and then I found a place to rent shortly after.”
Fuck. It hurt to hear about it. Way more than when I thought about my own relationship ending, actually. Further proving Ella and I hadn’t been doing okay for a long time.