Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 82543 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 413(@200wpm)___ 330(@250wpm)___ 275(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82543 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 413(@200wpm)___ 330(@250wpm)___ 275(@300wpm)
“Whoa, what’s with the violence against the thing that is supposed to save your head?” Green asks beside me.
“Nothing. Everything. It’s the game this weekend, it’s the playoff, the draft …” My sex life …
Green smacks my shoulder. “You’re being way too hard on yourself. We’ve had a killer season. Sure, there have been some challenges, but we’re here now. This is the end. No matter what happens during the next game, there’s no way you’re not getting drafted.”
Deep down, I know this, and like I told Levi, I’m generally good under pressure, but this … this might be too much pressure. As the draft closes in, so do the walls around me.
My dads have been talking about being the number one draft pick since before I even knew what the draft was, and if I had a dollar for every time someone called me the next Marcus Talon, I wouldn’t even need to play football because I could live comfortably until I was dead.
For years, everyone in the football world has said how I’m going to smash all the records. I’m the next GOAT.
What if I fail?
What if I don’t make it?
What if everyone puts all these expectations on my career that no one could live up to?
“Are you okay?” Green asks. “You look pale.”
“All good.” But now that he mentions it, I might need to sit down.
My mind fuzzes over, and my pads sit so heavily on my chest it’s like I can’t breathe. This has never happened before.
Green grabs my water bottle and shoves it in my face.
I’m not dehydrated, but I take it anyway because I’d rather the team think that I am instead of what I suspect this is.
I … I think I’m having a panic attack.
The most annoying thing about it is I don’t know what’s causing it: football or Levi?
Football and Levi?
He shouldn’t even be a factor in any of this at all, but because he said one thing about a hypothetical future Thanksgiving, my brain has zeroed in on it and obsessed over how flippant the comment was … or wasn’t.
And this is exactly why I haven’t let myself get mixed up with annoying, distracting problems like serious relationships in the past.
Usually when emotions and feelings start to take hold, I end the casual hookups and go back to being friends. It has been easy because I’ve seen the warning signs of them creeping up on me.
Like the urge to text just to see how they are instead of with purpose.
Hanging out without the expectation of it leading to sex.
Taking them to a party and not looking at anyone else but them.
I’ve already done all of that with Levi, yet I didn’t notice it, and now that I have, I can’t believe I missed it. All the signs have been right there, but I couldn’t see them. Maybe I could blame it on knowing Levi back in high school, of our one-time hookup back then, or maybe deep down, I’ve seen my actions for what they are but have refused to acknowledge them because Levi’s different than all the other hookups I’ve had.
I don’t think it has anything to with him being a different gender than I’m used to or that it’s all new and exciting. I think it’s because I know, without having to say anything, that he understands me.
We understand each other. We’re totally different in that I’m sporty and he’s artsy. We’re both confident in different ways, we were raised in different environments, yet deep down, we’re exactly the same. We both know what it’s like to have intense pressure pushing down on us. We both know what it’s like to grow up privileged, to have the world handed to us on a silver platter. Others on the outside see that and think we’re spoiled brats, getting anything and everything we want, but Levi and I both understand it’s not that easy. Those privileges come with strings. Especially for him.
And because of that, we have a bond I hadn’t planned on making with anyone at this stage of my life.
Even now, when I know I need to cool it for a while and refrain from seeing Levi, all I want to do is walk out of this locker room and text him. I want to go see him.
And even though I know I shouldn’t, as soon as the room stops spinning and I shower and change from practice, contacting Levi is the first thing I do.
Me: Fun fact. I might not be so immune to the effects of pressure after all. Turns out I am not invincible? What the fuck is up with that? I want a refund on my superpowers.
Levi: I want to make a joke here about asking for a refund on your face while you’re at it, but I’m guessing you’re looking for sympathy here not insults. Are you okay?