Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 85484 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 427(@200wpm)___ 342(@250wpm)___ 285(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85484 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 427(@200wpm)___ 342(@250wpm)___ 285(@300wpm)
She grins. “I watch a lot of cooking television. When I moved out of my parents’ house, I got tired quickly of eating ramen and microwavable macaroni and cheese. So I taught myself how to cook.”
“That’s one of my favorite qualities about you.”
“What is?”
I smirk. “You’re a quick learner.”
Her eyes find mine, and the fire inside them is exactly what I hoped to see.
“I’m in a very adept mood today,” she says, smirking back at me. “Is there anything you think you could teach me when we finish here?”
Fucking hell.
Before I can answer her, my phone chirps. Family group text.
And then it chirps again.
And again.
I snicker, drawing it out of my pocket.
“What’s that little smile about?” Pippa asks. “You’ve already washed your hands. You’re not supposed to touch your phone.”
“Trust me. This will be worth it.”
I shove my tongue in my cheek and unlock the screen.
Boom.
Paige: OMG JESS.
Moss: This. Is. Gold.
Maddox:
My fingers slide over the keys.
Me: Did something happen?
Paige: I just had to come to Nate’s office because tears were streaming down my face. Your brother is going to
Me: Oh, no. Banks is YOUR brother. I’ve never claimed him.
Maddox: I can’t breathe I’m laughing so hard.
Moss: I’m borderline pissed I didn’t think of this. This is genius-level shit.
“Okay.” Pippa drops the fork and comes around the island. “What’s happening? Tell me.”
“Banks has had an interesting morning.”
Her eyes widen. “What did you do?”
Chirp!
Foxx: Someone better be dead.
Maddox: Not yet.
Moss: Jess is on his deathbed.
Paige: Foxx isn’t going to bail Banks out of jail this time, so who’s going to do it?
Foxx: He’s in jail AGAIN?
Moss: Not yet.
A screenshot loads onto the screen, and I burst out laughing. It’s so much better than I dreamed.
Pippa gasps and tugs the phone to get a better look. Her hand clamps over her mouth.
Golden Years Dating App: For women 65-80 looking for love and companionship.
Name: Sparkles
Age: 25
Stats: 5 ft 7 in, 185 lbs, Brown hair, hazel eyes
Bio: I’m looking for a sugar grandma willing to give me all her attention, and in return, I’ll give her all of mine. I have lots of energy and a big cock I’d love to bring to your house.
Might be a match if: You need constant companionship and have no regard for personal space.
Fact that surprises people: I’m a good driver. Need a chauffeur for your errands? I got you.
Together we could: Make each other feel wanted.
Other: Not opposed to a roommate situation.
Contact preferences: Call or text me at 555-555-5555
“Did you do this?” she asks, trying to hold in her laughter. She points at the picture on the profile—the one Banks stuck to every damn thing in my house.
“Look, the little motherfucker needs attention so bad that he broke into my house while I was gone. I have a giant rooster in my front yard, thanks to him, and he made me think he called emergency services the other day. I’ve had it with him and his shit.”
Foxx: He had that coming.
Foxx has silenced notifications.
“When did you do this?” Pippa asks, giggling.
“The night before we left. I couldn’t sleep because someone wasn’t in bed with me,” I say. “And I lay there thinking about how Banks would break in while I was gone and do God knows what. I had some time on my hands and thought—you know, he needs someone with time on their hands. Someone who understands adolescents, who has a house.” I shrug. “It worked out.”
Me: How did you find out?
Maddox: He called me screaming.
Moss: Mad sent me a screenshot.
Paige: Ashley called me.
Maddox: His phone started going off this morning around five o’clock. Then the texts started coming through.
Me: How did he realize what it was?
Moss: GLORIA.
Paige: A woman named Gloria.
Maddox: Gloria. She’s apparently Honey’s friend. She recognized him—so she had to have matched with him, right?
Me: Pip fell asleep early last night, so I did Banksy a favor and matched him with some lovely ladies. All they had to do was match with him back.
Maddox: Well, Gloria matched with him, I guess, and then called the number. It went downhill from there.
Moss: Or uphill, depending on which side of this you’re on.
Banks: I AM NOT FIVE SEVEN.
I burst out laughing.
Pippa washes her hands while trying to dry her eyes on the sleeves of her shirt from laughing so hard.
Moss: THAT is what you’re pissed about?
Me:
Banks: I can’t even text because MY PHONE WON’T STOP GOING OFF.
Me: Aw, Sparkles. Look at all the attention you’re getting. They all want you. This is the pinnacle of your dreams, isn’t it?
Banks: I hate you. Also, I AM FIVE-ELEVEN.
Paige: I have to get back to work. Can someone make sure there’s no bloodshed?
Moss: Big nope.
Me: Want me to deactivate your account?