Total pages in book: 78
Estimated words: 77341 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 387(@200wpm)___ 309(@250wpm)___ 258(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77341 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 387(@200wpm)___ 309(@250wpm)___ 258(@300wpm)
I reach for his hand. Instead of letting me take his palm in mine and supporting him, he wraps his hand around mine.
“He had two bullets left,” Foxx says, smiling to himself. “But he only needed one.” He looks at me, the smile fading. “I owe your brother my life. He risked it all for me that night. He saved my mother from burying her son. And I will never forget that.”
It all makes sense.
I give his hand a final squeeze and then let it go.
“Bianca, this is my fault.”
“No, Foxx. It’s not.”
“I should’ve stopped this before it got to this point. But … I couldn’t.”
I want to hug and hold him—to have him hold me. But I can’t do that, and that’s the problem.
My world slows. The fog of emotions begins to clear. Suddenly, I see his predicament clearly.
“There is nothing I want more than to be with you, Bianca. You’re the first woman I’ve ever wanted like this. But if I get involved with you, that puts my entire career and friendship with Jason into question. My bias is compromised. I can’t make good, rational decisions when I’m thinking about fucking you or wondering what someone else is doing with you. Bianca, if something happened to you, especially on my watch, because I wasn’t focused …” His face pales. “Jason … your family … would never forgive me. And I would never, ever forgive myself.”
His last words are almost a whisper. But they roar through me, touching every last part of my heart.
My God. What a selfless, compassionate, amazing man.
The river of tears down my cheeks is hot. They taste like salt. But the real pain sits in the middle of my chest because this isn’t fixable. And I understand and respect why.
I clear the cobwebs from my throat. “Can I stay here tonight? And we’ll figure this out tomorrow.”
“I don’t want you to leave.”
I smile at him. “I know you don’t. But you know I have to. Unless you can come up with some brilliant plan to solve this impossible puzzle, I can’t do this.”
He nods without trying to reply. It’s just as well. If his voice breaks like I think it might, I don’t want to witness it.
“Thank you for being honest with me,” I say.
I tuck my chin to my chest and head down the hallway.
He stands in the foyer and watches me go.
CHAPTER 9
Foxx
“Fuck this day already.” I run my hand over my chin and look in the mirror. “Carmichael, you look like shit.”
I don’t know what I expected when I peered in the glass, but this is at least accurate of how I feel inside.
Dark eyes. Blotchy skin. A crack down the center of my bottom lip. My cheeks are dusted with stubble from not shaving, but I couldn’t possibly care less. The only thing I care about is in a room across the hallway, probably mad as hell at me and making calls to get herself out of here.
And I can’t blame her.
“Can I stay here tonight? And we’ll figure this out tomorrow.”
“I don’t want you to leave.”
“I know you don’t. But you know I have to. Unless you can come up with some brilliant plan to solve this impossible puzzle, I can’t do this.”
I grip the counter and hang my head. “I’m trying, Bianca. I’m trying.”
There’s no obvious solution to this impossible puzzle. I signed a code of conduct with Landry Security when, at Jason’s urging, I started working for them. I assured Jason that I would be there for him and his family—that he could count on me. That I wouldn’t fail him just like he didn’t fail me.
But in that code of conduct, I can’t fraternize with the people I’m sworn to protect. And even if it wasn’t written in black and white, it’s unethical. How can you remain steadfast and unbiased, thinking clearly and logically, when you’re in a relationship with someone? Of course, emotions would be involved, and in my field of work, emotions are dangerous. They’re a weakness. I can’t risk it.
I can’t be the weak link.
I groan, picking up my phone beside the toothpaste.
Landry: Please have Bianca join us for the meeting if at all possible.
“Great.”
I type back my response.
Me: I’ll let her know.
I check the time before locking the screen. We have ten minutes before it starts.
I’ve put off leaving my bedroom because I know the countdown to her departure begins as soon as I see her. The thought of her walking out makes my heart beat out of control. If she leaves, she won’t come back. It’ll likely be the last time I see her without being in a room full of other people.
This will be it. And I’m not ready.
Think. Figure out how to fix this. There’s always a way.
“Here goes nothing,” I mutter, releasing a long sigh before opening the door.