Total pages in book: 100
Estimated words: 98992 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 495(@200wpm)___ 396(@250wpm)___ 330(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98992 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 495(@200wpm)___ 396(@250wpm)___ 330(@300wpm)
Most of the day, Xander’s behind a desk, talking on a phone, having a video conference call, in a physical conference meeting or sending numerous emails. Everything he does for work he sits for. I understand the desire to park in the back and take the extra steps. I respect using the stairs rather than the elevator. And I can even live with his insistence that we sit as far from the front door at a restaurant as possible. What I can’t live with is how there’s no consideration for me or what I’ve done for the day. Yes, I may have people who help run my school – billing, licensing, appointments, ordering of supplies, ect ect ect –, but I still have to know everything. And am still hands on with the hiring, firing, and interviewing. I also believe that the only way I can be as effective as I am is to be on the ground running right beside everyone else. I visit all the classrooms on campus daily. There’s no set order, so my employees never know when I’m coming. This is done to encourage them to be on their best behavior at all times. Not only do I stop in to observe, I stop in to play with the children. Assist if they need an extra hand or to step out for some air or a mental break. I know the kid’s faces, some of their less becoming habits, and which parents are going to need a conference in my office to discuss what are they doing at home to contribute to their child’s development at home. By doing that, by putting myself in the trenches, I also know which of my employees are staying with me for the long haul, which are using this as a steppingstone, and which are just looking to fill the void of the gap growing older has given them.
Sadly, my soul recognizes that one the easiest.
Without warning, I slam my palm on the stop button, bringing the belt under my feet to an abrupt halt. My hands grip the sides of the machine tightly at the same instant my eyes fall shut.
Ugh.
Katherine’s right.
I immediately shut down and shut up to avoid having to face any unpleasant emotions. I’ve been noticing it more and more lately. It’s just like she said. Post Ry I adapted the ability to just bury feelings rather than discuss them. Losing him built an irrational fear that if I fought back, in any form, I might be a less desirable partner.
That they might leave me before I leave them.
It erased the risk of giving the person I’m with an excuse to leave.
Yet it keeps me imprisoned in places I clearly don’t wanna stay.
Feeling my face painted with a pathetic shade of pale, I force myself to step off the machine.
“Where are you going?”
Away from you.
And away from the concession bar where I can get a dark chocolate dipped banana which wouldn’t taste as good as a cinnamon roll or a cheese Danish but would still ease the craving to soothe my rattled emotions with food.
“I’mma go join a class.” I quietly declare, uncertainty still lingering.
“Why?”
A small shrug comes from me. “Why not?”
“Because this is what we do.” He continues to run in place, speed never wavering. “We run together. We lift weights for ten. And then we share a Greek strawberry and banana smoothie on our way out.”
I don’t even get to pick the flavor of our fucking smoothie!
I’d pick something with pineapple and mango and enjoy the refreshing taste of it!
“We don’t make unnecessary changes in our lives.”
The bite back is harsher. Louder. More passionate than I typically am while talking to him. “And who says it’s unnecessary, Xander?”
“Presley-”
“Stay here and run, Xander. I’m gonna go do something different.”
“Presley-”
“And I’m not going to brunch.”
“What?”
“You just assumed I had nothing to do-”
He presses the button on the machine at the same time he huffs, “I didn’t see anything on your schedule.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t ask me. You didn’t check in with me. You just read a piece of paper on the fridge and assumed my whole life was on it. And it’s not.” Unraveling starts to pick up speed as does the desire for something salty to soothe me. “And you do this shit all the time! You make plans for me before discussing anything with me! You just assume my life outside of work revolves around yours!”
“Lower your voice, please.”
Realizing I’m drawing eyes of other patrons has me nodding in agreement. “Look, I need you to communicate with me directly not just the color-coded calendar you forced us to have.”
“It’s useful.”
“It’s obnoxious.”
“Where is all this coming from?”
“My mouth,” I sassily point on a snarky smirk. “And we’re getting separate smoothies on the way out. You can have whatever you like, and I can have whatever I like, and if we don’t finish them, that’s okay. We didn’t waste money because we enjoyed the experience. And enjoying experiences is what life should be about.”