Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 77717 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 389(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 259(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77717 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 389(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 259(@300wpm)
Not me.
After dinner, things move along normally. The guys go into the family room to watch TV, and the girls stay in the kitchen, drinking wine and cleaning. If Noah and I make things work he is so helping me clean the kitchen after meals.
“How did this happen, Lauren?” Mom asks.
I raise an eyebrow. “After three kids, I’d assume you’d know how someone gets pregnant.”
Mom makes a face. “That’s not what I meant. You and Noah … I never saw that coming. You’re a smart girl. Noah is, well, Noah. I thought I raised you better but apparently I didn’t.”
“Mom,” Katie says. “Stop with the guilt. She already has enough to worry about.”
Mom waves her hand, dismissing Katie’s comment. But Mom’s been like that, always has, always will. She’s great at a good guilt trip and half the time doesn’t even realize it.
I choose my words carefully. A lot of alcohol is how this happened, but I don’t want Mom to know her first grandchild was conceived during a night of blackout drunk sex neither of us remember.
Not yet, at least.
“I don’t really know. It just did. We got to talking, one thing led to another, and—”
“That’s all I need to know,” Mom interrupts.
I roll my eyes. “You asked.” I take a breath, feeling emotional again. “Are you really disappointed in me?”
She puts a pan away and comes around the island counter to hug me again. “Yes and no.”
“That’s not what I want to hear.”
“And this news from you isn’t what I want to hear,” she counters.
“I thought you wanted grandchildren.”
“I do,” Mom promises. “And I hoped you would have kids someday … just someday when you were a bit more ready. I love you and will love this grandchild. You know I support you no matter what, and I’m proud you owned up to keep this child. I worry about your future, but I have faith in you to raise this baby right.”
But she doesn’t have faith in Noah. And honestly, as of right now, neither do I.
“She’s not a teen,” Katie says.
Mom smiles. “Silver lining this didn’t happen in high school. Or college.” She gives me another hug. “Whatever you need, you let me know.”
“Thank you,” I say and hug her back. I can see the heartbreak in Jenny’s eyes, so I change the subject to work.
Later, when Noah and I are ready to leave—yep, I’m tired already and it’s only eight—Colin pulls me aside.
“You let me know if he puts one toe out of line,” my brother whispers. “He’s my best friend and all, but I know him, and I know he’s not, uh, ready for something like this.”
“I will, and thanks. I’m beginning to see what you’ve been saying for years though. He’s not that bad of a guy.”
“Underneath it all, he’s not.” Colin lets out a breath. “I’m still pissed at him, and you—there’s a rule against hooking up with your brother’s friends, you know. But having my best friend be the father of my niece or nephew is kinda cool.”
“I’m so glad you are the level-headed one,” I say with a smile. I consider telling him I’m sorry for upsetting Jenny, even though I didn’t mean to, but decide against it. He doesn’t know I know, and I don’t want to risk upsetting him even more. He’s taking this better than I thought he would at the moment. “And really, he’s trying. He said he wants to be involved, and I believe him. For now. Go easy on him. He won’t admit it, but he’s worried you’ll hate him. It’s not just his fault this happened.”
Colin’s nose wrinkles in disgust. “I don’t want to think about it. Noah has told me stories, and nope. Can’t do it. Can’t go there.” He holds his hands in front of him, blocking me from sight.
I laugh. “I’ll spare you the details then.”
“Are you okay?” he asks. “This definitely isn’t on your list.”
“I’m coming to terms,” I say honestly. “It’s a lot to process. Having Noah with me is helping a lot.”
Colin nods. “Just let me know if I need to put him in his place.”
“I will. So far so good … though we haven’t even gone on our first date yet.”
“First date?” Colin shakes his head. “This is so messed up.”
I sigh and put my hand over my stomach. “You’re telling me.”
I stand in front of the bathroom mirror, smoothing my dress over my stomach. I’m a little bloated, but I don’t look pregnant yet. My hair is up in hot rollers, and I’ve done up my makeup. Eyes lined in black, dark shadow on my eyelids, and red lipstick. I rarely put this much effort into my appearance, and I almost regret that I did tonight.
Because this first date isn’t going to lead to anything.
And yet I want to look good.