Series: Fever Falls Series by Riley Hart
Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 85157 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85157 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
He ran his hands through his dark hair, fisted it, tugged. “I don’t know how to do this, Campbell. I don’t know how to be gay.” And when his knees weakened and he fell to the ground, I tried to catch him, went with him, wrapped my arms around him, held him as he cried.
“Shh. It’s okay. I’m here. I got you, Ash.” I ran my fingers through his hair, down his back. Closed my eyes as he clutched the back of my shirt, dug his nails into my skin, pulled himself closer as though he was trying to climb inside me.
I didn’t know how long we sat there, how long he cried and how long I held him. Ashton Carmichael…one of my childhood friends, maybe my first real crush, the boy who drove me crazy and challenged me even when he didn’t realize it…the guy I’d always thought was the most confident person I knew, and even though I knew it wasn’t logical, I felt like I’d failed him.
“I can’t believe I just snotted all over you. This better be our secret, Campbell.” Ash sat back and leaned against the bed.
“You can trust me.”
“I know.”
A lone tear fell from his left eye, and I had to fist my hands not to reach out and wipe it away.
“Well, I’m sober now…and tired,” he said.
“You should get some sleep.” I went to move, to stand, but Ash reached out, his hand tightening around my wrist. “Do you want me to stay?” When he cocked his head, I added, “I’m not trying to get in your pants, Ash.”
“Remember? My dick is broken anyway. And I didn’t think you were trying. I just appreciate that you didn’t make me ask. You’ve always been able to read me.”
I trembled. Fucking Ashton Carmichael. He was going to wreck me, ruin me. I knew it as well as I knew my own name. I probably had always known it.
This time, it was Ash who stood and held out a hand for me. I took it and let him help me up. He went into the bathroom as I took off my shoes. I heard water, assumed he was washing his hands, his face, maybe brushing his teeth. When the door opened, he said, “You can go next.” He was still wearing jeans and a tee, so after I took a leak and washed my hands, I kept mine on as well. I went straight for the beanbag chair. It was silly. I could easily sleep on the couch or in one of the other rooms, but I wanted to be close to him in case he needed me. At least that was what I was telling myself.
“Don’t be stupid. You can sleep with me.”
Aaaaand…he truly was trying to kill me. “That might be a problem, because despite your recent issues, my dick is in fully functioning order.”
“Fucker.” He grinned.
“I’m serious. It’s a double bed. Can you upgrade to the master bedroom at some point?”
“Get in the bed, Campbell.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Hey, my dick just perked up a bit. I guess it is working.”
I groaned. Did he know what he was doing to me? “You’re going to kill me.”
“You like me, Cranky Campbell. I think you always have. I was your first crush.”
I knew what he was doing. He was trying to turn it into a joke, make light of it all because things were easier for Ash to deal with that way. So I walked over, turned out the light, and crawled into bed with him. He was on top of the blanket, so I did the same. We lay there, quiet, shoulder to shoulder in the dark for an eternity when he said, “You were mine too.”
“Your what?”
“First crush.”
Yep. He was going to kill me. I was so fucked. “Go to sleep, Ash.”
“Guess I’m not the only one who pretends things aren’t happening.”
“I’m ignoring you,” I replied because he was obviously right.
“Then why do you keep replying?”
I opened my mouth…then closed it again. Ashton Carmichael would be the death of me.
“Night, Beau.”
“Night, Ash.”
“See? Still not ignoring me.”
I bit my tongue, kept quiet until his breathing evened out and I knew he was asleep. I wondered what in the hell I was going to do.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Ashton
I’m gay.
I’m gay, I’m gay, I’m gay.
No matter how many times I replayed the words in my head, I couldn’t believe I was admitting them…couldn’t believe I’d said them aloud to Beau. It had been the only time in my life the words had passed my lips, the only time I’d allowed myself to even think them, even though deep down, I’d always known they were true, no matter how much I’d denied it.
I’m gay.
I hadn’t been lying when I’d told Beau I didn’t want to be gay—at least I never had before. Every time I noticed a man, every time I felt that itch of desire, I told myself it wasn’t real, it was a fluke, and most of the time, I was able to ignore it. I got drunk, went out and fucked, and everything was fine. Sometimes the alcohol wasn’t needed, but other times it was. I never slipped, never gave in to that desire that lay dormant inside me for as long as I could remember…except with him.