Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 97073 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 485(@200wpm)___ 388(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97073 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 485(@200wpm)___ 388(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
In the car, we sit on opposite sides, no one talking as the driver pulls back out onto the road. The cottage disappears behind us and I reach across the back seat and take Andrew’s hand in mine. This is the last time we’ll touch in this way. I know it and he knows it and when our eyes meet, I try so hard not to look sad.
We’re not two hearts breaking. I broke Andrew’s heart a long time ago, and he never had the power to break mine. This grief is complex and painful, but it has nothing to do with love. I feel sorry for having wasted Andrew’s time and for stringing him along, but the intention and hope was that us being together would always pay off in the end. Understanding Andrew isn’t the man I want to be with isn’t easy. I know that no matter how much I want to love him, I can’t talk myself into it. I will never make Emma happy in this way.
I squeeze his hand as he studies me.
“I’m sorry you came here.”
It hurts me to think about him going out on a limb like this, flying all that way only to be sitting in this car now. If I thought he’d accept it, I’d offer to cover the cost of his ticket.
He shakes his head. “I’m not.”
His tone is somber but solid. He really doesn’t regret it then. He’s an intelligent guy. I wonder how much he’s always understood about my feelings, whether it’s even worth mentioning the truth.
“I’ve been stubborn with you,” he admits with a ghost of a smile on his lips. “Hoping things would change.”
“I hoped too.”
“It was delusional to think you’d come around. I’ve been asking you to move in with me for a year. You haven’t said you love me in six months.”
I frown. “Has it been that long?”
We’ve only been on a break for half that time.
I wince. “I’m sorry.”
I could say it a thousand times and it still wouldn’t be enough. Andrew is such a good man and he’s capable of so much love.
“Emma will take it the hardest,” Andrew quips, trying to make light of the situation as he lets go of my hand and turns to face me.
Little does he know that’s the real wound exposed by our breakup. This will only further exacerbate my strained relationship with my sister.
“Should we talk about things? Rehash it?”
I want to give him every opportunity for the truth. If he wants it, I’ll be brutally honest in any way that he wants.
Andrew shrugs. “Sounds exhausting.”
I smile.
“I’ll box up your things at my place and pass them to Emma.”
“Thanks, yeah. I’ll do the same when I get back to the States.”
His brows gently furrow. “When do you think that will be?”
His gaze suddenly feels intrusive.
I blush. “Oh. Well, I guess it just depends on this project.”
“And Nate.”
He tosses out Nathaniel’s nickname so casually. I didn’t realize I’d been using it with him. I give Andrew a curious look.
“And Nate, yes. We’ve hit a stride with plotting his third book.”
Andrew smiles knowingly. “It’s not about the book. He has feelings for you.”
I swallow, careful to keep my expression neutral. There’s no reason to hurt Andrew with details of my relationship with Nate.
But Andrew sees straight through me.
“It’s obvious, you know. The guy wouldn’t even look at me. I’m surprised he didn’t poison my dinner last night.”
A laugh spills out of me. “Andrew.”
“I’m serious.”
He watches me process this, and though at first, I think about denying the whole thing, it seems more fair to Andrew to just let it be. If the situation were reversed, I wouldn’t want to be fed a bumbling lie.
Andrew and I spend the remainder of our drive to Leeds tying off the loose ends of our relationship. It’s already so neatly packaged. A breakup parsed out over months is hardly a breakup at all. When we’re near the airport, I do try to apologize again about the fact that we didn’t work, but I get the impression it only hurts Andrew to hear it. No one wants to feel pitied for the way they feel.
The driver pulls up in front of the check-in for international departures, and I step out and wait for Andrew to get his luggage before giving him a hug. Neither one of us cries when I step away. I offer a small smile and tell him I’ll see him soon because in all likelihood, I will. Emma will throw a dinner party in the city and Andrew will be there with a new girl. I’ll vet her not out of jealousy, but out of fierce protectiveness. Andrew deserves only the best.
I wave at him as he rolls his suitcase through the sliding glass doors and then I look to the driver.