Total pages in book: 67
Estimated words: 63100 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 316(@200wpm)___ 252(@250wpm)___ 210(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 63100 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 316(@200wpm)___ 252(@250wpm)___ 210(@300wpm)
“Of course not.” When I leave, Austin will be happy and moving on with his life, and I will do the same. Somehow.
“Fuck,” he mutters.
“What if I had a small party here tomorrow?” I ask, changing the subject. “It would be a way to get rid of some of this food, and maybe it would give people some closure at the same time.”
His eyes narrow, but I turn away when I see Rhonda out of the corner of my eye standing in the kitchen doorway.
“It’s a great idea,” she says softly. “I’ll just make a few phone calls and get everything set up.”
“Great,” I agree, watching her turn and leave.
“I’m gonna call Austin and let him know what’s going on,” Ben tells me.
I give him a smile then walk to the table, pull out one of the chairs, and take a seat, feeling exhausted. I haven’t gotten any real sleep in the last few days. Every time I close my eyes, my mind replays my mom’s last breath over and over, like a bad record. I want to ask Keith if he can prescribe something that might help, but at the same time, I hate the idea of having to drug myself.
“The phone chain is in effect. I told people to come around five and that they shouldn’t bring anything with them,” Rhonda says, taking a seat across from me. “You look tired.” She observes me closely.
“I haven’t been sleeping much.” I shrug, pulling one of the cookies off the plate, breaking it in half, and then taking a bite. “Every time I lay down, my mind wanders.”
“Do you want me to see if Keith will write you a prescription?”
“A prescription for what?” a deep voice interrupts. My gaze travels from Rhonda to Austin, who’s standing in the doorway with Ben behind him. The moment our eyes connect, something in me unfurls. I haven’t seen him since he brought me home from the hospital and made sure I was settled. I missed him over the last twenty-four hours; I just didn’t realize how much until now.
“She can’t sleep,” Rhonda tells him helpfully, and his brows pull together.
“Would meds help?” he asks, stepping into the room towards me, but then stops and clenches his fists at his sides.
My eyes lock on his hands and I feel my brows pull together. “I don’t know,” I mutter.
“You need to sleep, Lea,” he says gently, and my gaze travels from his fists up to meet his eyes.
“I know.” And I do know, but it’s not happening, not right now. Hopefully in a few days, when things settle down, I will finally be able to lie in the dark without hearing her.
“Do you have Keith’s number?” he asks Rhonda as his eyes drop to the cookie in my hand. “Did you eat real food?”
I narrow my eyes and sit up a little taller. “I did eat, and I don’t want the pills.” I turn from him to look at Rhonda. “You don’t need to call Keith.”
“You need to sleep,” Austin growls, and my head swings his way.
“I know this.” I grit my teeth.
“You also need to eat.”
I know he’s concerned, but it’s actually pissing me off right now. “I did eat, and if I feel like I can’t sleep, I’ll call Keith and talk to him about getting a prescription.”
“Lea,” he sighs, running a hand over his beard, and guilt assaults me hard when I see the exhaustion in his eyes, and I wonder how long it’s been since he’s slept as well.
“I know you are all worried about me.” I drop my tone, and my eyes to the table full of food. “It’s going to take some time, but I promise I’ll be okay.” And I will. It won’t be easy, but I will move on and past this pain. I have to; I can’t live like this.
“It’s normal, Lea. There is no right or wrong way to grieve,” Rhonda says, getting up from her chair and coming to my side, wrapping her thin arms around me. I nod again then look at Austin as he steps toward me and runs his finger down my cheek, causing a rush of emotions to wash over me.
“It will get easier,” he says, but I’m not sure if he’s talking about the loss of my mom or the way being around him makes me feel, but I hope he’s right about both.
I sneak out the backdoor and take a seat on the steps, pulling in a lungful of much needed oxygen. I swear the whole town is inside my mom’s house. I know I said we should have a wake, but I had no idea how many people would show up. I should have thought about this better. Being around so many people, smiling and accepting condolences, isn’t easy, especially when every time I think about her or talk about her, I want to cry.