Total pages in book: 136
Estimated words: 135847 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 679(@200wpm)___ 543(@250wpm)___ 453(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135847 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 679(@200wpm)___ 543(@250wpm)___ 453(@300wpm)
“I thought he gave me his medical records so I’d understand why he never learned how to be a parent. I think he did, but at first, I only saw the early history, not the more recent. While I was dealing emotionally with what Dad left me in that box, Tom read the whole thing and called Dad’s neurologist to set an appointment so we could talk. This means, since Dad didn’t do anything half-assed, it was also to share with all of us what led to him killing himself.”
“Oh, Hale,” she whispered, falling into his side and putting her head on his shoulder.
When she did that, his relief was so immense, it didn’t feel emotional, it felt corporeal, like a gaping open wound healed itself in a heartbeat.
He smelled her hair, so he turned his head and pressed his nose there.
There she was.
Once he had her all around, he lifted his head and continued.
“Genny is determined to believe that the CTE led to Dad’s suicide. The doctor confirmed suicidality is a symptom, and he shared he was very concerned about the levels of Dad’s depression. It was becoming unmanageable by his estimation. But he can’t say that’s why Dad did what he did in the end.”
“Okay,” she said gently. “What do you think?”
“I think Dad had a huge ego. He was one of the smartest people on the planet, he knew it, was proud of it, and Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy is progressive. There was going to be more memory loss, maybe aggression, and definitely early onset dementia. And this was on top of having a movement disorder like Parkinson’s.” He felt his lips tip up in a humorless smile. “He wouldn’t want to be remembered like that.”
“And he wouldn’t want the people he loved to have to endure that,” she said softly.
Hale’s throat closed so forcefully, there was pain.
Because, yes.
Corey Szabo wouldn’t want that.
He forced a swallow and shared, “It would be dishonest not to consider that it could also be about him not being able to live with the things he’d done. He’d done some really shitty things, sweetheart. And I know with the effort he put into making amends, he didn’t forget them.”
She bumped their hands on his thigh and agreed with a quiet, “Yes.”
“We’ll never know,” Hale continued. “What we do know is, essentially, his parents killed him.”
When he said that, she moaned, pulled their hands to her chest and turned into him.
He wrapped his other arm around her and gathered her closer.
Okay, right.
Now he felt even better.
“I need to know if my mother knew this,” he told her. “I need to know if she knew he was so out of his element as a father, he was drowning in it, and she not only didn’t pick up the slack, she shoved his head under.”
She pulled her head out of his chest and looked up at him.
Yeah.
There was his girl.
“Are you going to talk to her?” she asked.
“Only if you’ll get on my plane tomorrow and come with me. After that, we’ll go to Chloe’s wedding.”
The tears came back.
He wanted to do something about them, but he had to make sure she got it.
“I love you, Elsa. So fucking much, I couldn’t admit how much I felt for you because it terrified me. And then I didn’t protect you. It triggered me, baby. I felt like a loaded gun in our relationship. Any second, I’d do something like my dad did to my mom, and I’d obliterate you. I walked into that bathroom and there you were, covered in blood, fighting for your life while I was shooting the shit with Blake in a ballroom.”
She lifted her bandaged hand to smooth his hair and he flinched when he saw it.
That didn’t stop her.
“It wasn’t your fault,” she stated.
“I know, but do you get why that would trigger me?”
“Yes, yes, totally. Now that you’ve explained it, yes.”
“I have no idea what kind of woman my mom was before Dad did what he did to her. Genny said she was sweet and funny and smart. But I didn’t get any of that. I got the bitter and twisted. He didn’t know how to love me. She simply refused to do it.”
Her face got hard.
“Don’t blame her,” Hale said quickly.
“Uh…sorry, my prerogative,” she snapped.
He almost smiled.
Fuck, for the first time in days, he almost smiled. For good reasons.
He didn’t.
He said, “Let’s give her the opportunity to explain herself.”
She looked to the street and rested her head on his chest again, muttering, “Whatever.”
That made his lips curve, it wasn’t a full-blown smile, but it felt good.
“Will you come with me?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said immediately.
He sucked in breath through his nose.
Then he asked, “Do you forgive me?”
“Yes,” she said, again immediately.
Okay, fuck.
Fuck.
“You heard the part where I said I love you?” he asked.