Total pages in book: 92
Estimated words: 85255 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85255 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
When I can’t take the pain in my chest anymore, I sink down to the floor of the shower, letting the water beat into the back of my skull. I close my eyes and let the tears fall as I make a new wish—to go back five hours and not see Cooper because then I can have it in my head that my daughter’s father doesn’t see her because he doesn’t know about her, not because he doesn’t want her. I make a deal with myself. When I get out of the shower, I’m going to start fresh. Looking back it’s almost like I put my life on hold in hope one day Cooper would come back. Now that I know how he feels, it’s time to move forward. I refuse to be some pathetic woman who wants a man who doesn’t want her back.
Kayla knocks on the door and I realize the water’s gone cold. I stand, turn the water off, and get out. I look in the mirror and promise myself I’ll never cry over Cooper again.
Hearing the knocking still coming through the door, I yell out that I’ll be out in a second, then grab a towel, dry myself off, and put on some comfy pajamas.
I take several deep breaths, then head out to the living room where I find my best friend sitting on the sofa with two pints of our favorite Sorbet ice cream and a bottle of sweet white wine. She hands me a spoon and pours us each a glass. Ice cream and white wine is our thing. For a second, the urge to cry again hits me, but when I look at Kayla, I remember that while Cooper may not want us, I’m surrounded by people who do.
We sit in comfortable silence, eating our ice cream and sipping our wine, when she finally brings the subject up. “So, what happened? You guys were practically dry humping in the living room before you went to the bedroom. You come out and it’s like somebody just told you there’s no Santa Claus.”
I have to laugh at that, and then I look at her and scowl, which makes her laugh. When we were nine years old, I spent hours writing my letter to Santa. When Kayla came over to play one day, she saw it on my desk. I asked her if she wrote her letter yet and when she said no and she isn’t going to, I asked her if she believed in Santa. Kayla told me flat out she didn’t believe and that he was fake. It was the first and only fight we ever got into. I told her she was a liar and that I couldn’t be friends with somebody who lies. Santa was real. She told me I was acting like a baby and kept insisting there wasn’t a Santa. I went to my mom and demanded to know the truth. She admitted there was no Santa and I swear I cried for like three days.
“Remember after my mom admitted there was no Santa, what you said to me?”
She thinks for a minute. “Yeah, I told you I wish I would’ve lied and said Santa was real because I hated to see you cry.”
“Well, right now I’m wishing I could’ve been lied to.”
She waits for me to continue, but when I don’t, she prompts me. “Lied to about what?”
I start from the beginning when we went into the room. I tell Kayla how he said he missed me and wished so many times he would’ve gotten my information. I tell her about us making love and how attentive and sweet he was the entire time. She laughs when I tell her how he pulled out and came in his hand because he said it wouldn’t be gentlemanly of him to knock me up.
“Boy, if he only knew that ship has already sailed. Wait, does he know about Bella?”
I breathe in, and let out a cleansing breath, as I prepare to get to the hard part.
“I never got a chance to tell him. After we got cleaned up and dressed, he got all weird on me. It’s like a switch flipped in him, and he went from sweet and flirty to depressed and sad. Before I could tell him about her, he flat out told me he can’t… no, he told me he doesn’t want to offer me any type of future. He said I deserve everything he can’t give me. When I asked him why, he said he doesn’t want to be a husband or a father. I didn’t even know what to say. My heart just broke thinking about one day having to tell Bella her dad isn’t around because he doesn’t want her, so I decided not to tell him. At least then I can be honest and say he doesn’t know about her. After he said all this, I got up and left, and that’s when I found you and you know the rest.”